Tag: wordpress poetry blog

A Wide Distance

ggkalfas

There is a spot within my heart, which will remain hollow and empty. The unknowing spot. The deep, hollow, empty, sinking spot. The unknowing spot, which birthed the plentiful knots and pains throughout my life. The unknowing spot, which birthed the inner convulsions, conversations, and contusions of self-hatred; spawning the actions of self-seeking. It seems I may have been born with it, or perhaps it was hollowed out early on in my life. I have sought to fill this spot with love throughout my entire lifetime; never finding a way to create any type of fulfillment within it. There is a living cycle within me; a seemingly never-ending cycle, which created a whirlpool of devastation within, and throughout my lifetime. I have opened myself wide, in hopes of another heart to embrace mine. I find there is no embrace, as I only hear a sigh, and see a turned back facing me. A wide distance; allowing me to see the true heart of another. This is how I have come to develop; unknowingly turning myself into the irony within my life: lusted after by many, loved by none. I cannot open myself up anymore, yet this is all my heart wants to do. My heart needs to be seen within the sunlight of the gods. My heart yearns to be heard within the ears of the angels; singing the Sun to sleep, awakening the Moon within a delicate aria. There are many exposures, which will allow you to sing within your lifetime. There are none so sweet and enchanting, as the exposure of your pure and gifted heart; allowing itself to sing, and to be known. The search within the journey of finding a heart like your own, will seem utterly hopeless: it very well might be. The only purpose in living life, is to give and receive love. When you live throughout your lifetime seeking this purpose and never finding it, this has the capacity to leave you feeling empty and frail, down deep into the depths of your soul. There are no limits to the emptiness, and the unfulfilling exposures, your soul and your heart will experience, during these transitional durations within your lifetime. Your frail and empty life may seem pointless and meaningless, within these overexposed times.

The Truth?

ggkalfas

There is one aspect, which does in fact have the capacity to alter one’s internal nature, and this aspect is survival. Given the circumstances and the events which may arise within one’s life, in order for them to enter into survival mode; there is no type of measurement available, in which to understand the impact this may have upon their consciousness, and their inner nature contained within their heart’s desire. When considering the short-term and long-term ramifications of one entering into survival mode for an extended period of time, will definitely leave one with a manipulated and deformed consciousness and inner nature. Is it at all possible for one to return to their previous way of living life, prior to their consciousness and inner nature becoming manipulated and deformed? I doubt it very much. I very much doubt anyone who experiences any type of external manipulation and deformity within their consciousness and inner nature, by being induced into survival mode by any type of external imposition, would ever have a chance of living the same type of life as they did prior to entering survival mode.

There are many truths hidden within one’s consciousness and inner nature, which will be revealed onto them, once they have entered into the sublevels, which will arise when one feels extreme impositions from the external world. It is the type of external imposition, which will make the lining on the inside of one’s stomach want to crawl away. Each truth is unique within each individual, as there are no two truths which will ever be the same. The sublevels, these are the cracks and crevasses in between one’s consciousness and inner nature, which if not careful, one may fall in and become stuck within their own creation of what they consider Hell to be. I have witnessed it so many times with the others, as I myself have experienced this type of alternate reality. These sublevels, are in fact the worst type of experience one could ever endure mentally and/or emotionally within their consciousness and inner nature. It can be extraordinarily difficult returning to yourself, when coming back from being stuck within the many numerous sublevels within your consciousness and inner nature. This experience will leave a permanent scar, a permanent gash upon your soul, and the Æons, which will contain the rest of your incarnations until eternity. If one comes to find they are in possession of an irrational phobia, which makes absolutely no sense to them; it is more than likely their soul has been scared within a previous incarnation, which has in fact created the irrational phobia(s) one is experiencing within this life. One’s lifetime is simply not long enough for one to completely comprehend themselves, or their consciousness and inner nature for that matter. It will take an adept many lifetimes, to grasp the depth contained within their consciousness and inner nature. For one to fully comprehend and understand their consciousness and inner nature within one lifetime, is not realistic. Yes, one may in fact possess a great understanding within the light and darkness contained within themselves, their consciousness, and inner nature; although, to conquer one’s self within one lifecycle is not exactly how one’s lifecycle works.

The truth? There is not an absolute truth, which will generically fit everyone’s life paradigm, as this simply does not exist, nor is it realistic. There are many universal truths, which exist deep within one’s consciousness, as these conscious truths are the same for each conscious experience contained within the Infernal Consciousness. The way one may experience their life is through the paradigms of their consciousness and their inner nature. Yet, there are other factors, which will be induced upon one’s consciousness and inner nature by the external world. These factors, are the unforeseen variables one may or may not experience within the external realm. One’s consciousness and inner nature will experience many adaptations within their lifecycle, as there are too many factors and variables at play, which might affect their way of life. It is important for the individual to care and be responsible for their consciousness and inner nature within this lifetime, as this is all you will have, in order to get you through life.

When One Awakens

ggkalfas

It is only when one has awakened from their conscious slumber, when they will intuitively come to understand how they have no other choice in life, other than to find themselves within their heart’s desire. When one awakens to who and what they are within themselves, a great responsibility is placed upon them. This is the internal desire, responsibility, and obligation for one to ascend to their higher purpose within this life. For those who are still asleep, and have not awakened; they will remain unaware of this great responsibility living within themselves. For some of the others, they will transition from this realm to the next, without ever knowing this fantastic responsibility within themselves. As long as one remains comfortable within their life, this comfort will maintain their internal ignorance about themselves; moreover, this comfort will inevitably deem self-awareness and self-reliance unnecessary. There are many of the others within this realm, who are completely unaware of the existence of their eternal home. One cannot inform another is has not awakened to themselves; moreover, the security which exists within mind numbing ignorance, is a luxury you and I will never know or experience. The true, purest fundamental essence of one’s heart’s desire and eternal home, is the understanding of the Infernal Consciousness of creation, which exists deep within it. After one awakens to the external world of illusions, and to the fundamental truth within themselves; a numbing effect will shroud one’s body energy field. This numbing effect is a defense mechanism, a protective shield of sorts; protecting the newly awakened one from the toxic and malignant energies, tonalities, and frequencies within the external realm. Once an awakened one has fortified themselves within their body energy field, the numbing effect will dissipate rather quickly; allowing one to instinctively protect themselves against the toxic and malignant external realm. There are many different factors involved, when protecting one’s self from life’s atrocities, which freely roam haphazardly within the external world. When it concerns finding one’s eternal home and heart’s desire, the only place one ever needs to explore is within themselves. I cannot give you specific instructions, as everyone’s eternal home and heart’s desire, is completely different and unique. The only information I can give to you, is the knowing of its existence within yourself. There are so many things which we seek out within the external world. Yet, what we seek within the external, is in actuality contained within ourselves. There are others within this realm, who never quite figure this out. It took me many decades to realize this truth; consequently, it took me the same amount of time to come to the realization and understanding that what I experienced within the external world, was an exact representation of my thoughts, how I felt about myself, and my overall paradigm within my heart. Once I awakened to this infernal truth, my entire life transformed right before my eyes.

Back in 2018

ggkalfas

This was the first book I published back in 2018. The title of the book, You Cannot Put a Picture in My Frame of Mind, comes from lyrics to a song I had written back in 1999. In the late 90’s to early 2000’s, I was lead guitarist for a death metal band here in Houston, Texas. Nothing ever became of the band, because I quit when I decided to check myself into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. This book is a culmination of song lyrics, daily journal entries, and dream journal entries, which I had written pre and post sobriety. I sobered up to save my life, yet throughout the years, I sometimes question if it was all worth it. Sometimes it is yes; sometimes it is not yes. It’s interesting how life can take you to places, which you never thought you would experience. The highs and lows seem to balance themselves out: flatlining. I have no words of wisdom, or “deep” philosophical insights, which no one truly gets. I have nothing for you today, except for you to enjoy your life. If you do not experience life, it might turn on you like a rabid dog, and experience you.

A Fresh New Start

ggkalfas

Almost home. Where does my heart belong exactly? Here? There? Somewhere other than here? No, my heart belongs to me; it belongs right here within me. I gave my heart away too many times; thinking each time was going to be different, as though it was going to be a fresh new start. It was always the same as it was previously. The desire for love has faded away, at least until the next time it comes to visit me. Maybe then, it will be different than it was prior.

The Breathing Movement of Consciousness

ggkalfas

The vital essence contained within any and all types of life is the existence of consciousness. Consciousness, is the living and pulsating energetic frequencies of vibrations, which keeps life alive by movement. Everything which exists within this realm of what we consider reality, is a living breathing movement of consciousness. Any physical object which exists here within the material realm, vibrates at a specific frequency, which allow the object to exist as the material for in which it does. A subtle change in frequency, will in fact change the object’s material form. This is where the idea and the alchemical practice of transmutation stems from, as any material object can transmute into a different physical form, given the correct circumstances. The fundamental knowing of how to transmute matter within the material realm, is contained within the inner knowledge of transmuting one’s own consciousness from within, to without; from internal to external. Without this knowledge, any type of internal working is futile. The main source for this internal working to occur is clarity. One’s mind must be clear of all distractions, emotions, and of the partial wants and needs. Within this clarity, a knowing must be maintained in order to facilitate the inner workings. A belief is subject to distractions, emotions, and the partial wants and needs, while purpose within the transmutation is contained within the absolute knowing of what will be birthed into fruition. This is the core element for a transmutation to occur. It is of the greatest importance to keep and maintain secrecy of your internal and external workings. Society is filled with nonbelievers and naysayers, who want nothing more than to see your failure of any workings you will ever be involved with. This is one of the greatest deceptions one’s consciousness will know during a human’s life experience. It is important to know these facts, prior to becoming involved within any circumstance. In order to have an advantage over the others around you, it is important to know the lies and deceptions within another’s mirror; the same mirror they deviously use in order to project their negative energy from.