Nestled deeply underneath the crusted layers. Tightly woven in between the soft tissue. Covering the organism’s exoskeleton. Devouring itself from the inside out. Thoroughly maintaining equilibrium. Maintaining true authenticity. It keeps me safe at night. Warm. Protected. Secure. Hiding away from the world. Keeping my authenticity safely hidden. My secret endeavor. My secret life’s work. I am invisible. No one can find me. No one will ever be able to find me. Hiding in plain sight. I need to hide myself more often. I desperately need to protect myself away from those thoughts. All I want is to be left alone and loved at the same time. I want to hide myself away and be seen all at the same time. I am fucked up in this curious way. I will tightly bind and nestle myself into my own womb. My secret chrysalis. I will transform into what I was meant to be. Strong. The urge to KILL burdens my shoulders. If I was given the opportunity to get away with it. There would be no hesitation. NONE. This is why I hide myself away. I know I would thoroughly enjoy it. I would cum all over myself. This is why I hide myself away from the world. I enjoy the smell of necrosis. How many people do you know who could admit that? I hide myself in the deepest and darkest corners of my room. I want to shrink myself, so I can hide more efficiently. Delicately. Compartmentalized efficiency. Necrotic compartmentalized efficiency disorder. I want to be invisible to myself. I will never have to see myself ever again. Each time I look into the mirror I look different. Slightly unrecognizable. I am afraid one day a stranger will appear in front of me. I will be the stranger I see in the mirror. A pleasant surprise. A chance to meet new people. A chance to meet myself. Another part of me. The real me. A hidden part of me. Or simply another delusion contained within me. Is there a difference? I am the difference. The difference between the surface and the subterranean. All of the internal personalities I have become acquainted with during the time I have spent here. Friends for life. Best friends forever. Long lost friends. A passionate embrace within the nothingness. A varied necrotic compartmentalized deficiency disorder. I will keep me safe and protected from myself, and from this necrotic world I currently inhabit. The defiled world I seem to thrive in. I am my only hope. I hope I can count on myself. I better make myself count. This is the only hope I have for any type of mental peace. Who am I kidding? You?
Tag: mirror
Back in 2018
This was the first book I published back in 2018. The title of the book, You Cannot Put a Picture in My Frame of Mind, comes from lyrics to a song I had written back in 1999. In the late 90’s to early 2000’s, I was lead guitarist for a death metal band here in Houston, Texas. Nothing ever became of the band, because I quit when I decided to check myself into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. This book is a culmination of song lyrics, daily journal entries, and dream journal entries, which I had written pre and post sobriety. I sobered up to save my life, yet throughout the years, I sometimes question if it was all worth it. Sometimes it is yes; sometimes it is not yes. It’s interesting how life can take you to places, which you never thought you would experience. The highs and lows seem to balance themselves out: flatlining. I have no words of wisdom, or “deep” philosophical insights, which no one truly gets. I have nothing for you today, except for you to enjoy your life. If you do not experience life, it might turn on you like a rabid dog, and experience you.
The Breathing Movement of Consciousness
The vital essence contained within any and all types of life is the existence of consciousness. Consciousness, is the living and pulsating energetic frequencies of vibrations, which keeps life alive by movement. Everything which exists within this realm of what we consider reality, is a living breathing movement of consciousness. Any physical object which exists here within the material realm, vibrates at a specific frequency, which allow the object to exist as the material for in which it does. A subtle change in frequency, will in fact change the object’s material form. This is where the idea and the alchemical practice of transmutation stems from, as any material object can transmute into a different physical form, given the correct circumstances. The fundamental knowing of how to transmute matter within the material realm, is contained within the inner knowledge of transmuting one’s own consciousness from within, to without; from internal to external. Without this knowledge, any type of internal working is futile. The main source for this internal working to occur is clarity. One’s mind must be clear of all distractions, emotions, and of the partial wants and needs. Within this clarity, a knowing must be maintained in order to facilitate the inner workings. A belief is subject to distractions, emotions, and the partial wants and needs, while purpose within the transmutation is contained within the absolute knowing of what will be birthed into fruition. This is the core element for a transmutation to occur. It is of the greatest importance to keep and maintain secrecy of your internal and external workings. Society is filled with nonbelievers and naysayers, who want nothing more than to see your failure of any workings you will ever be involved with. This is one of the greatest deceptions one’s consciousness will know during a human’s life experience. It is important to know these facts, prior to becoming involved within any circumstance. In order to have an advantage over the others around you, it is important to know the lies and deceptions within another’s mirror; the same mirror they deviously use in order to project their negative energy from.
Fallen Wings
It is within those fragile moments. Those fragile moments when you land face first into the dirt. You can taste the impacted dirt in your mouth. Trapped in between your teeth. The grainy taste of failure; protruding itself from the tip of your tongue. To taste and to speak words; this is the only use a tongue provides. The wings which were used to fly over your obstacles seemed to have failed you. But did they? Perhaps you were meant to face this obstacle head on, as you have avoided facing it your entire life. Another mirror, only this time you can taste the failure contained within its reflection. Wings can fly you to the greatest heights, just as they can sink you below the depths of Hades. Wings also provide protection from one’s own chains; breaking the bondage of one’s own silence from within their heart.
G.G. Kalfas 