I do not recognize the humans anymore. There has been a change within their DNA, which has altered them physically, psychically, and spiritually. There exists a lack mentality within the humans nowadays. When one ventures out into this etiquette lacking society, you can actually see the looks on the others faces, as though they are not going to get what is rightfully theirs. Rarely do I see a smile on another’s face when out in this etiquette lacking society. I watch as the humans walk aimlessly through their lives; looking for some type of hope, with the blank expression of their life’s devastation, solemnly hanging off their face. Why not kill yourself, if you are that miserable living your life? The hurt and pain being expressed upon the others faces, is in fact brutal. The others do not have the capacity, nor the knowledge of how to let go. Their thoughts create their facial features, just as their thoughts create their now abrasive body energy field. If you are a sensitive, which means you are highly sensitive to energy, and the energy others project, you may in fact find it difficult at times to be out in society. You will find yourself going out into society more in the evenings, as opposed to during the day, that is if you are not at work. You also refuse to drive your car during rush hour, as you are constantly absorbing the energetic frustration and aggravation from the other drivers on the road. You have the complete capacity to be an isolationist, as you greatly enjoying your time alone. If you do in fact have friends, they are of a select few, as you only have the capacity to befriend those with whom you can maintain a deep connection with. If you are in a relationship, your partner must be completely on the same level as you are; otherwise, the relationship will never work out, as your partner will lack the fundamental capacity to understand you. Being a sensitive can be an isolating type of lifestyle, but this does not necessarily mean you have to live an unfulfilling isolated life. On your path through this life, you will meet others who are sensitives as well. You may or may not share a connection with one another, but that work is left between the two of you. I know you are not the type whom will utter the defaming words, “I’m bored” as neither you or I have the time or the patience with these types of others. I know you have very special interests, which no one else knows about other than you. It is good to pursue these interests, as this will probably be the most fulfillment you may encounter within this lifetime. You intuitively know you will not experience the type of fulfillment you receive through your interests, by being in any type of personal relationship. I have never experienced any type of fulfillment, within any type of personal relationship. This is my design, the way I am; not possessing the ability to conform on any level, as I am also unable to emotionally connect with those around me. I have worked through this character trait my entire life, as I fully accept this quality, which allows me to live within myself. I was born unto this world with the inner inclination of being solitary, as I have accepted this trait within its entirety. It is true: I have no friends, and two family members who somewhat care about me. This is pretty much all I need, as this is how I have lived throughout the duration of my life. I have never known anything different, as it is extraordinarily difficult for me to emotionally connect with other people, let alone being able to connect with another romantically.
Tag: love
Ben and Eva
An arrangement of sorts, at least this is what she thought she wanted. Eva never really knew what she wanted, let alone wanting to have an arrangement of sorts with Ben. When Ben heard his phone ring, he reluctantly picked up; knowing exactly why Eva was calling him. Ben is not the procrastinating type, nor does he put up with nonsense; especially nonsense of the romantic type. Their conversation went something like this:
Ben: Hi Eva! How are you doing tonight?
Eva: I’m okay. I think you know why I’m calling. As you know, I have been thinking a lot about my past. I have thought about what we discussed the other night, and I’m thinking you and I could work out some type of arrangement.
Ben and Eva, were dating for almost a month, when Ben decided he could not tolerate dealing with Eva, her family drama, and the bullshit from her past, she dragged along with her through life. Yet, Eva was not in such a hurry to dismiss Ben’s presence from her life. As an avid collector of men, Eva did not want to let Ben go so fast. She had other ideas, the type of ideas, which pertained to a physical nature.
Ben: What kind of arrangement did you have in mind Eva?
Eva: So, you have two options. Option A: you and I can just be fuck buddies; friends with benefits. You and I will not date, it’ll just be sex, and you cannot tell me anything about my life, and I will do the same with you. That’s it! Option B: we can date and be boyfriend and girlfriend in a committed relationship, except there is no sex. Since you and I had sex so soon, it made me crazy, and it made me act differently towards you. I know I pushed you away, and I am sorry for that. I told you we shouldn’t have had sex so soon, but you wouldn’t listen. We had sex, and now here we are.
Ben: In option A, where we are “fuck buddies”; are we allowed to see other people, or are we monogamous “fuck buddies”?
Eva: No, I do not like having multiple sex partners, only one at a time.
Ben: So, what happens in option B; when you start kissing me heavily, and you want to be intimate? Are you going to be able to control yourself?
Eva: Oh yes! Absolutely! I can handle myself!
Ben: Of course, you can. You know, we would not be going through all of this in the first place if you did not push me away.
Eva: I have been thinking a lot about myself, and my past. As you know, when I was young, I was molested, and when I was a teenager, I started dancing. I just think all of those men fucked my head up. I am not in a place right now where I can be in an intimate relationship with anyone.
Ben: I completely understand, and I absolutely agree with you.
Eva: Please don’t take what I am saying the wrong way. I miss you, and I miss you being inside of me. I miss your lips on mine, but I just can’t do an intimate relationship with you right now, or with anyone else for that matter.
Ben: I understand, and I do not expect to have one with you Eva. Your past is your past, just as my past is mine. As I am understanding and sympathetic to your past, and your situation; I need a woman who is soft, sweet, and kind. I cannot even think about being with a woman who is cold, combative, and condescending. I understand you have things you are working out within your life, and I think it is great you are facing them. As of right now, you and I should just be friends. Let’s not worry about options, intimacy with one another, or even a relationship.
Eva: What the fuck Ben? You’re just going to push me away like that? What the fuck?
Ben: Listen, you just acknowledged you are not in a place where you can be in a relationship. I suggested we simply remain friends, and see one another a couple times a week or so. You are not out of my life, as I am not out of yours. We have only known one another for a month, and the arguing and bickering, which goes back and forth between you and I, is strangely comparable to an old married couple. It gets to be overwhelming at times Eva. I am just not up for it anymore. And frankly, I am no longer interested in being in a relationship with you, or even having sex with you. If you would like to remain friends, we can absolutely do that. I am not interested in anything other than being friends with you.
Eva: (Long silence) Well, I guess that’s it then. There is nothing more to say. You already have your mind made up without discussing it with me first. So, fuck you Ben! Fuck you! (Hangs up on Ben).
One month ago, Ben walked into Eva’s realty office; interested in a property she had for lease, as this is how the two first met. Halfway through their deeply, electrifying two-hour conversation; Ben asked Eva, if she would care to leave her office to go have coffee with him. Eva enthusiastically accepted, and the two started dating afterwards. I find it interesting how two random strangers can meet one another, and immediately hit it off; only to be at each other’s throats, a month later. All of us at one point or another, have the potential to behave like delusional romantics. We all want to believe what we see in the movies and on TV, could actually happen to us. A real-life romantic comedy; falling deeply in love with someone you randomly meet, but this is simply a marketing ploy we have all bought into. There is no such thing as a Hollywood romance, or a Hallmark Channel love affair; only the blunt and honest reality of disillusionment, which ultimately reveals its ugliness through words, at night, and over the phone.
A Fresh New Start
Almost home. Where does my heart belong exactly? Here? There? Somewhere other than here? No, my heart belongs to me; it belongs right here within me. I gave my heart away too many times; thinking each time was going to be different, as though it was going to be a fresh new start. It was always the same as it was previously. The desire for love has faded away, at least until the next time it comes to visit me. Maybe then, it will be different than it was prior.
A Constant Power and Control
There is a specific desire, which is contained within one’s consciousness. This innate desire, is the undying need is for consciousness to manifest itself upon this material realm. If you pay close attention when you travel out into the external world, you can see it all around, and you can feel it fall from your brow within each bead of sweat. This external manifestation, only exists within the senses, at least this is what we think. The true manifestations one’s consciousness will bring forth upon the external realm, is in actuality never seen, but is only energetically felt from within. The true manifestations one’s consciousness desires to release upon the external realm, is in fact vibrational frequencies, which will indefinitely resonate within the Universe until the end of time. As energies and frequencies resonate and travel through space and time, we humans foolishly only seem to take our small microcosm into consideration. We seem to forget about anything which may happen outside of our immediate surroundings, let alone state or national surroundings. When our consciousness sets itself upon the external realm, its vibrations are felt within our immediate microcosms, as well as the vast outlying macrocosms. The total sum of our consciousness’s frequencies and vibrations, will travel infinitely throughout space and time. For some of you, this might be a little difficult to comprehend; moreover, there is so much information within this Universe, which the human mind is incapable of understanding. The majority of the others, care not of the macrocosm, as they feel as though they are not affected by it, and it is not affected by them. Little do they know exactly how wrong they are. Everything affects everything, as consciousness is everything. Consciousness is everything you experience through your senses, as it is also that “vibe” you get from energetic frequencies, which you can sense (internally) when you are within the external world. Many of the others, are in fact ignorant, of the power and dominion their consciousness ultimately possesses over the external world. The others are purposefully kept ignorant of this sacred hidden, as they would not be able to fully comprehend the true majesty in which they internally possess. The consciousness of residual energies and frequencies, are living and breathing in all of the objects surrounding you and I at this very moment. Everything within the external world, has some type of permanent energy attached to it. Consciousness lives and breathes in matter, just as fish live and breathe in water. If one wishes to have dominion over the external world, there are steps required in order to attain this type of projection. One must visualize the object in question within their mind’s eye, as their complete and total vision must be focused upon this object within the mind’s eye. Once the object is seen vibrantly within the mind’s eye, you must visualize the desired effect you choose to place over this object. Once your complete and total will is focused upon this object; visualize and see the final result existing it within your mind’s eye, as well as the external world. Once you learn how to project your will upon the external world, and have accomplished success within these workings; your internal confidence will increase as your workings will become more powerful and focused. This is not an overnight exercise, as this technique takes a tremendous amount of work and focus. Very few people within this mortal realm, have the internal capacity and power of will, to impose and invoke their absolute will upon the forces within the external world. There are some who have a predilection to this volition, which can be projected upon the external world. The foundation for this dominion is a strong mind and an even stronger will. Those who are meek, and are in possession of a weak constitution, will never be able to impose their will upon the external world. Nature does not seek out to protect the weak-minded or the weak-willed, as nature herself will perish if she allows the weak to survive and flourish within her gardens. This is why only the strong of mind and will, have dominion over the external world. There are very few things in life one will have power over, at least this is what is expected of you to believe. This is simply not true. You have complete and total control and dominion over your life, but it is your responsibility alone to recognize this fact. Never believe something, someone, or an external event or circumstances has any type of power over you. Nothing and no one has power over you, unless you give your power away to it; therefore, giving it permission to do so. You have a constant power and control over your own life. Never allow anything contained within the external world to have any type of power over your consciousness, thoughts, nor your emotions. If you do in fact submit your internal power to the external world, you are weak-minded and weak-willed. This is no way to live, if you want to achieve a higher level of internal and external consciousness.
The Dancing Thoughts Within One’s Mind
Letting go of a circumstance physically, could be considered much easier than mentally letting go of the same circumstance. The dancing thoughts within one’s mind, can seem to stomp on, and stick around for the entire duration of one’s short lifespan. It can be difficult at specific times within one’s life, to fully understand the experiences and circumstances within one’s life, had absolutely nothing to do with them. The external world will usually leave the remnants of what it has to provide for you, whether you consider these remnants good or bad, throughout the duration of your lifespan. I have always seen these remnants as neutral occurrences, as the surrounding external circumstances and experiences know nothing of what one may consider to be good or bad, as the external is strictly subjective in nature.
I find it interesting how another will personalize the circumstances and situations within external world, and also personalize the circumstances and situations, which may be occurring within another’s life. When another is undergoing some type of life transition, it is a good idea to observe, but to never get involved. When one personalizes the experiences of another, this denotes a self-centeredness and a self-important closedminded paradigm. Another’s life experience has nothing to do with you. If it did, you would more than likely be experiencing the same circumstances. It is important to release this unhealthy type of self-centered thought process from your body energy field. By personalizing another’s circumstance and experience, you are in actuality drawing that specific type of energy and frequency upon you and your body energy field. The mind is a mental frequency, which can change its vibrational pattern and frequency at any given moment; with or without your permission. Think of your body energy field as a protective armor; keep that in which you do not want to entering it out, and allowing that in which you are in harmony with to absorb onto you. One’s inner harmony is achieved when the frequencies and vibrations within one’s body energy field are working in alignment with one another.
Sinking Yourself Into Me
This is where we have always loved to play. Deep within your blackened mind. Those thoughts you are having right now at this very moment, they are not yours; they are mine. You can’t fool me, let alone yourself. You can say anything you like to me, but you and I will always know the truth. There is nothing you can hide from me. I see everything you try to live within. Those words, the clothing, that job, and that pathetic dripping life you so desperately keep clinging to, only weigh you down. Sinking yourself into me. I am a gluten for another’s punishment. I love to see the pain surface within another’s glossy eyeballs. Their eyes become so big; their lids are unable to keep them covered.
G.G. Kalfas 