Nestled deeply underneath the crusted layers. Tightly woven in between the soft tissue. Covering the organism’s exoskeleton. Devouring itself from the inside out. Thoroughly maintaining equilibrium. Maintaining true authenticity. It keeps me safe at night. Warm. Protected. Secure. Hiding away from the world. Keeping my authenticity safely hidden. My secret endeavor. My secret life’s work. I am invisible. No one can find me. No one will ever be able to find me. Hiding in plain sight. I need to hide myself more often. I desperately need to protect myself away from those thoughts. All I want is to be left alone and loved at the same time. I want to hide myself away and be seen all at the same time. I am fucked up in this curious way. I will tightly bind and nestle myself into my own womb. My secret chrysalis. I will transform into what I was meant to be. Strong. The urge to KILL burdens my shoulders. If I was given the opportunity to get away with it. There would be no hesitation. NONE. This is why I hide myself away. I know I would thoroughly enjoy it. I would cum all over myself. This is why I hide myself away from the world. I enjoy the smell of necrosis. How many people do you know who could admit that? I hide myself in the deepest and darkest corners of my room. I want to shrink myself, so I can hide more efficiently. Delicately. Compartmentalized efficiency. Necrotic compartmentalized efficiency disorder. I want to be invisible to myself. I will never have to see myself ever again. Each time I look into the mirror I look different. Slightly unrecognizable. I am afraid one day a stranger will appear in front of me. I will be the stranger I see in the mirror. A pleasant surprise. A chance to meet new people. A chance to meet myself. Another part of me. The real me. A hidden part of me. Or simply another delusion contained within me. Is there a difference? I am the difference. The difference between the surface and the subterranean. All of the internal personalities I have become acquainted with during the time I have spent here. Friends for life. Best friends forever. Long lost friends. A passionate embrace within the nothingness. A varied necrotic compartmentalized deficiency disorder. I will keep me safe and protected from myself, and from this necrotic world I currently inhabit. The defiled world I seem to thrive in. I am my only hope. I hope I can count on myself. I better make myself count. This is the only hope I have for any type of mental peace. Who am I kidding? You?
Tag: love
L.C.G.
The days are now blending into one another, just like you and I once did.
Necrotic Whispers
It is as delicate and solitary, as the night is dark and indulgent. My mind. You have prodded at it enough. Callused membrane. Futility exists, when trying to comprehend its contents. There is no use to indulge yourself within the realms of honesty and purity. There are no thoughts for you to reflect upon, or to bathe within. The sweet sad notes of your voice; lingering and tingling within the shards of broken glass you swallowed. There is no future here for you to dwell within. There only exists the past of consecrated misfortunes and prior devastations, which will only know your broken words and thoughts, for your consideration. The tingling of shattered nerves, seem to scratch and itch within themselves. Ready to ignite the soulmates and the soul’s fates. You were speaking empty words, with a native tongue, within the singularity of tempting the masses. Your people. Sweating and wetting upon your unguarded fleshy mind. A doormat for strangers to walk over. Welcome. Come on in. Make yourself at home. The song within your beaten heart, will never be sung nor heard. The stinging within your words, will forever linger upon your dripping tongue. Another shattered and lathered bedtime story. Waiting for me to tuck you in; tucking you back into your coma. Time flies when you are unconscious, as this is the best way to travel. Dead weight as carry-on luggage. Dead weight for others to carry-on. An inconsideration you will always consider. I can hear your necrotic whispers in my ears. You thought they would sound sexy in my ears. My ears have heard it all.
Dark Auras
Sifting within the glistening sin. Hands bound without a sound. Disdain for the profound and profane. There is nothing else sweeter than the putrid embrace of your pain. Release the deceased living from within. Bury the dead with the rest of the words, which have already been said. A new Aeon arrives, as it can see thorough your illusory disguise. Embrace the dark aura of wilted indolence, as this will be the only way you will find your internal independence. Words can be enchanting, but your Death can be more hypnotic. Yet, life has a way of becoming lost within one’s created chaotic. A Dark Aura, is a gift from the Universal. Unfortunately, many of the others, treat life as though it was some type of preparational rehearsal. I can assure you; it is not. This is it. This is all you have, as this is all you are, within this brief moment of your life. If it gets better, or if it gets worse; it is solely up to you. Now fuck off.
A Wide Distance
There is a spot within my heart, which will remain hollow and empty. The unknowing spot. The deep, hollow, empty, sinking spot. The unknowing spot, which birthed the plentiful knots and pains throughout my life. The unknowing spot, which birthed the inner convulsions, conversations, and contusions of self-hatred; spawning the actions of self-seeking. It seems I may have been born with it, or perhaps it was hollowed out early on in my life. I have sought to fill this spot with love throughout my entire lifetime; never finding a way to create any type of fulfillment within it. There is a living cycle within me; a seemingly never-ending cycle, which created a whirlpool of devastation within, and throughout my lifetime. I have opened myself wide, in hopes of another heart to embrace mine. I find there is no embrace, as I only hear a sigh, and see a turned back facing me. A wide distance; allowing me to see the true heart of another. This is how I have come to develop; unknowingly turning myself into the irony within my life: lusted after by many, loved by none. I cannot open myself up anymore, yet this is all my heart wants to do. My heart needs to be seen within the sunlight of the gods. My heart yearns to be heard within the ears of the angels; singing the Sun to sleep, awakening the Moon within a delicate aria. There are many exposures, which will allow you to sing within your lifetime. There are none so sweet and enchanting, as the exposure of your pure and gifted heart; allowing itself to sing, and to be known. The search within the journey of finding a heart like your own, will seem utterly hopeless: it very well might be. The only purpose in living life, is to give and receive love. When you live throughout your lifetime seeking this purpose and never finding it, this has the capacity to leave you feeling empty and frail, down deep into the depths of your soul. There are no limits to the emptiness, and the unfulfilling exposures, your soul and your heart will experience, during these transitional durations within your lifetime. Your frail and empty life may seem pointless and meaningless, within these overexposed times.
A Delicate Homicidal Device
A delicate homicidal device. The kind which tortures you from the inside out. The kind which creates realities you never knew could exist within your past, and will never exist within your future. It is a side effect of living life; being delusional while trying to understand the secret meanings within the strange occurrences contained within life. The types of meanings, hidden within secret and sacred symbolism, which the Universe surprises you with at very specific moments within your life. I have experienced these types of moments all throughout my lifetime, as they have been harbingers of occurrences to come. Sometimes, I will see the eagles flying high in the sky over me. There have been times, when I have seen anywhere from, one to five eagles flying together at the same time. When I see the eagles flying high in the sky over me, this is when I experience a deep, lonely sadness within my heart. Seeing the eagles, denotes there will be peace and uplifting horizons before me. All I need to do is maintain my course; getting through what I am currently experiencing, and all will become right again within my life. This has always been the case after I see the eagles flying high in the sky over me. With robins, I have always associated them with love. The Universe speaks to me through the robins. When I start thinking about, and wanting love in my life, this is when I begin to see the robins. I never see robins on a consistent basis, I only see them when love is about to arrive into my life. It may not necessarily be of the true type of love, a soul type of love, or even a lasting type of love. The love I receive is usually of the passing type. I know the robins will eventually send the real type, the permanent type of love into my life. Or quite possibly, the robins might be fucking with me. I do not think they are, but you never know with birds. It is important to never reject love when it comes into your life, no matter what type or form it may appear in. Love will wear many different disguises, just as she always has. Our egos, this is what will reject love. The judgement within your glance, is the same judgement glancing back at you. This is the reflected image within the mirror, staring back at you. This image is love. Love will always make an appearance in your life, but not necessarily in the form we personally requested for it to be in. As though the human ego knows more about love than the Universe does.
G.G. Kalfas 