I will sit alone sometimes with the lights turned off; solitarily thinking about my life in the darkness. I will suddenly have a compulsion from within. This sudden compulsion makes me stand upright; wanting to throw myself out into the world. This is when I remember and acknowledge to myself; I have nowhere to go. When I talk to, or approach people is public, a look of dread and fear befalls upon their face; thinking I am death, and I have come to take them away with me. The fear these people display is certainly uncalled for. I am not there to kill them where they stand, as I will more than likely wait until there is no one else around; making sure there are no eye witnesses. Not really. I am actually quite harmless most of the time. But to these people, I do not seem to be. They do not know I am talking to them for some sort of human contact. This contact is not due to loneliness, or attention seeking, on the contrary; I do not need people in my life, and I have never experienced loneliness. I approach these people as a form of practice. By doing so, I do not get rusty when I do need to talk to someone when it is necessary. When I am standing there with the lights off, and this compulsion is running hurriedly through me; I think about going out and rummaging through this disgusting dying world. Once I run through all of my previous experiences of going out into the world; I usually arrive at the same conclusion I have always arrived at: it is all a waste of my precious time. Once I remember my previous outings into society, this is when I sit back down. I will sit there quietly; closing my eyes, thinking and fantasizing about a world which does not reject me, in the way I have come to reject it.
Tag: ggkalfas
The Embryo Slits its own Wrists
A partnership of nothing. Revealed idiosyncrasies allowed me to see your true nature. The liar crept. Wore your shoes, and walked within them. Sang your blues. Quilted tears forgot about your fears. Nothingness is what your psyche has been blessed with. It is all your rotted mind can maintain. A fake smile, of the pointy nose type. Dancing within your pathetic guile. Cramps strike frequently. Just enough to numb my mind. Thinking about you kills my cock. The best kind of birth control I have found to date. Your teeth are shattered from the grotesque words it has helped your tongue speak throughout your aged lifetime. Too old to not know any better. Too old to live the life you live. Too young to die within the birth you were given. A narcoleptic confrontation. You were always unconscious during your life; bleeding your uterus to death. Too many deaths to consider. A delinquent type of rebirth. Nestled within your womb. The embryo slits its own wrists. Rejecting your birth canal. Many have traveled within your canal. Always coming in. Never coming out.
A Real Memento Mori
I use this life as a form of treatment. Everything and everyone surrounding you and I is a resource. Resources are meant to be used for our healings. It is important to recognize the catalysts within these resourceful healings. A need. A longing. A begging from someone wanting you to release them from their pain. I will use you as a specific form of treatment. Just as I have used so many others. The humans enjoy being used. This is their purpose within their mundane lives. Humans are to be used in every way imaginable. They are always begging me. Wanting to be the treatment I am seeking. A resource. A restraint. This is what allows the humans to feel purposeful. Being used for something, especially a treatment. The humans love to be treated less than. If they did not love it so much, they would never tolerate it. It is a rare occasion when I use someone else for a healing. I do not consider myself a psychic vampire. I consider myself a real vampire. The kind that will compel you; emptying your body of its vital essence. It can get messy. It always gets messy. Make accommodations. You will be my resourceful healing. Just for now. Tonight. When I am around. I will be with you soon enough. Draining a new life straight out of you. Creating a new life for you and I. Draining and drowning you. From within. From underneath. I am the real kind of pain. The kind which buries itself within your thoughts; crushing you and gushing you from the inside out. A real memento mori.
Better Left Unsaid
Cry at once. I demand you to. This is what you have become accustomed with. Acting out tasks for a desired result. Look how far it has taken you through life. All the way to where you are now. Nowhere fast. I connected within you. It was not the type of connection you were looking for. You craved sympathy. I cannot offer you this type of embrace. I know you care. Just as much as a murderer cares about their victims. It was not enough time for you. Not enough tears bled from your eyes. A salvation which neglected to inform your heart. Words that chewed your tongue right off. Some things are not better left unsaid.
Life’s Gift
Searching for the unsearchable. I have been looking around all of these years for you, and I am still unable to find you. Why are you deliberately hiding yourself from me? I will find you very soon, probably sooner than what you are expecting. But do not expect too much from me, I will only give you what I feel you deserve to have: pain. I will present this great gift before you, once I find out exactly where it is you are hiding. Don’t worry, you will never hear or see me coming. I will sneak into your life just as you did with mine. I will have your pain placed in a pretty, bow-tied box; quietly and patiently waiting for you upon your doorstep. Pain is the greatest gift anyone could give, as pain is the truest of all healing gifts; allowing one to thoroughly learn about themselves. I have known of this gift my entire life, as it was given to me at such an early age. Now, I will share it with you; every single last bit of it. I will give, and give, and give to you; until there is no more left within me to give. This will be the greatest blessing you will ever know. The gods do not give blessings such as the one I am giving to you. It will solely belong to you, as you will now have ownership of this great gift. Do not worry if you do not know how to use it at first; it will come with instructions:
1) Use daily every 6 hours.
2) Share with friends and loved ones.
3) Repeat for the rest of your life.
4) Do not forget to follow these instructions.
You see, it is easy and user friendly. Do not get emotional and anxious on me now. It might seem tedious and overwhelming at first, but you will get the hang of it; I promise. Why am I being so generous by giving you this amazing, life changing gift? Well, it is because I care very deeply for you, and would like for you to one day see yourself as I see you. It is one of life’s amazingly demented jokes on us humans; seeing ourselves differently as to how the others see us. We often see ourselves within a much darker light, than what others use to see us with, or vice versa. This is a common mistake we will sometimes make, as we explore through our lives; correcting the mistakes of our past. This is what most of our life transitions into: a correction in process. There is no need to be so hard on yourself; this is the whole reason as to why, I am giving you this wonderful gift. Over time, you will thoroughly learn how to use this gift properly, in the right way, with every single person you will ever come into contact with. It is important to keep this gift in mind, as you definitely do not want to share it with just anyone. Besides, it is special, and specialness is only for the select few. You really do not want to end up like one of those weak-minded bastards, who share their gift with random strangers at the laundromat or the grocery store. This type of behavior is socially unacceptable, and frankly I find it to be rather obnoxious. Keep your secrets and your gift safe, and when the time is right, the person whom you are supposed to share your gift with will reveal themselves to you; just as you revealed yourself to me.
A Glimpse into the Void
Suffocation. A deliberate form of affection. Salvation. Never to be found within your arms. There is nothing tranquil about your glance. A glimpse into the void. A permanent cause to evacuate. Nowhere to go. Escaping myself is an old habit of mine. I cannot keep you happy. I do not have it within me to do so. It is not in my way of living. I am not here to please you or anyone else. Fuck you and everyone else. Some people are just meat sacks with a pulse. Some people deserve to die. Slowly. Perfectly. I have not decided what to do with you yet. I just might add you to the collection in my closet. I just might add you to the collection underneath my house. Slowly with purpose. Perfect in every possible way.
G.G. Kalfas 