Tag: death

A Wide Distance

ggkalfas

There is a spot within my heart, which will remain hollow and empty. The unknowing spot. The deep, hollow, empty, sinking spot. The unknowing spot, which birthed the plentiful knots and pains throughout my life. The unknowing spot, which birthed the inner convulsions, conversations, and contusions of self-hatred; spawning the actions of self-seeking. It seems I may have been born with it, or perhaps it was hollowed out early on in my life. I have sought to fill this spot with love throughout my entire lifetime; never finding a way to create any type of fulfillment within it. There is a living cycle within me; a seemingly never-ending cycle, which created a whirlpool of devastation within, and throughout my lifetime. I have opened myself wide, in hopes of another heart to embrace mine. I find there is no embrace, as I only hear a sigh, and see a turned back facing me. A wide distance; allowing me to see the true heart of another. This is how I have come to develop; unknowingly turning myself into the irony within my life: lusted after by many, loved by none. I cannot open myself up anymore, yet this is all my heart wants to do. My heart needs to be seen within the sunlight of the gods. My heart yearns to be heard within the ears of the angels; singing the Sun to sleep, awakening the Moon within a delicate aria. There are many exposures, which will allow you to sing within your lifetime. There are none so sweet and enchanting, as the exposure of your pure and gifted heart; allowing itself to sing, and to be known. The search within the journey of finding a heart like your own, will seem utterly hopeless: it very well might be. The only purpose in living life, is to give and receive love. When you live throughout your lifetime seeking this purpose and never finding it, this has the capacity to leave you feeling empty and frail, down deep into the depths of your soul. There are no limits to the emptiness, and the unfulfilling exposures, your soul and your heart will experience, during these transitional durations within your lifetime. Your frail and empty life may seem pointless and meaningless, within these overexposed times.

A Delicate Homicidal Device

ggkalfas

A delicate homicidal device. The kind which tortures you from the inside out. The kind which creates realities you never knew could exist within your past, and will never exist within your future. It is a side effect of living life; being delusional while trying to understand the secret meanings within the strange occurrences contained within life. The types of meanings, hidden within secret and sacred symbolism, which the Universe surprises you with at very specific moments within your life. I have experienced these types of moments all throughout my lifetime, as they have been harbingers of occurrences to come. Sometimes, I will see the eagles flying high in the sky over me. There have been times, when I have seen anywhere from, one to five eagles flying together at the same time. When I see the eagles flying high in the sky over me, this is when I experience a deep, lonely sadness within my heart. Seeing the eagles, denotes there will be peace and uplifting horizons before me. All I need to do is maintain my course; getting through what I am currently experiencing, and all will become right again within my life. This has always been the case after I see the eagles flying high in the sky over me. With robins, I have always associated them with love. The Universe speaks to me through the robins. When I start thinking about, and wanting love in my life, this is when I begin to see the robins. I never see robins on a consistent basis, I only see them when love is about to arrive into my life. It may not necessarily be of the true type of love, a soul type of love, or even a lasting type of love. The love I receive is usually of the passing type. I know the robins will eventually send the real type, the permanent type of love into my life. Or quite possibly, the robins might be fucking with me. I do not think they are, but you never know with birds. It is important to never reject love when it comes into your life, no matter what type or form it may appear in. Love will wear many different disguises, just as she always has. Our egos, this is what will reject love. The judgement within your glance, is the same judgement glancing back at you. This is the reflected image within the mirror, staring back at you. This image is love. Love will always make an appearance in your life, but not necessarily in the form we personally requested for it to be in. As though the human ego knows more about love than the Universe does.

Tomorrow is Now

ggkalfas

How much longer do you think you and I have left? I am not sure either. This is why you and I must treat tomorrow as if it were today; as if it were now- as if it was occurring at this very moment. It is interesting, as you and I do not know what will occur tomorrow, let alone within the next five minutes. Consciousness transitions both time and space, yet consciousness also transcends within itself. Life is a state of consciousness, just as death itself is. There is no escaping tomorrow, as at one time, right now, was once considered tomorrow. Fucked up how that works; isn’t it? But then again, you and I are pretty fucked up.

Sin and Sorrow

ggkalfas

There are no words I can use, which you will not misinterpret or abuse. A loose fuse, dying to lose. If there was one thing I could choose, would be to forget the memories, which haunt my thoughts every second I live within this life. There is nothing else contained within this life, which I could use to rhyme. It seems that time has run away from me, and has sought greener pastures without me in it. So, now I am here, with nothing and no one listening loud and clear. How else did you think it was going to end? A red rose, which smells sweet and romantic, or a delusional oppressed mind, running in circles, fragmented and manic? Life is a cycle of sin and sorrow, with no afterthoughts of death tomorrow. Sometimes life just does not rhyme, yet whether or not if it does, we all will eventually run out of time.

Fate From Above

ggkalfas

Do you ever get that feeling, as though you are being tested by powers and/or forces greater than yourself? Or perhaps, you are experiencing specific circumstances and situations within your life, as though you are being initiated into a rebirth? I have experienced this type of specific predicament many times over within my life. It feels as though one is a passenger within their life, as attempting to control any type of direction being traveled towards, is grotesquely futile. There is a difference between destiny and fate. Do you know the difference? Then I will tell you: destiny is the part of one’s life, which one has decided for themselves. On the other hand, fate is the life part of one’s life, which the “Fates” have decided for them. (Believe it or not; Greek mythology is not mythology at all!) Meaning: when it seems one has no control over their life, there are forces other than yourself, which are invoking their will upon your life; guiding you to your rightful place within it. During the process of this kind of transition, one will not have the capacity to understand exactly what is truly occurring within their life. It is only when one has arrived within their rightful place, will they possess the full capacity to truly comprehend the metamorphosis, which took place within their life. Chaos is the equilibrium within the independence of one’s character and inner nature.

If you look closely upon the picture above, you will see the eagle in flight at the top of the canvas; guiding the people below him, to where they need to be within their life. Destiny exists within one’s heart. Fate exists within the consciousness of creation. The eagle is on of the totems of Scorpio, the sign of transformation, rebirth, life, and death. One must experience a death, in order to live a new life. Just as you and I do on a daily basis.

Inner Sight

ggkalfas

Build yourself up or down; either way you will be making progress. You cannot measure progress through success or failure, as progress is a subjective manifestation within one’s internal maturity. You know, none of it really matters anymore. So, why not let go of it all, and simply allow life to unfold upon you? You can do that, but you can also keep your sanity in a safe place, by keeping it protected. Who am I kidding? You’re right; there is no safe hiding place, where you could keep anything protected, let alone your precious sanity. It’s another one of life’s tricks; a game life will play with you whenever it gets a chance to have fun with your psychology. I know this entry might not make any sense to you at this current point in time. The next time you are having a complete mental breakdown, simply re-read this entry; then it will make complete sense to you. These times do not come around too often, but when they do, they can be somewhat rigorous and deflating. What you will lack in strength, you will compensate with depression, anxiety, and self-loathing. These three mental states can be the best motivators you may ever come across. At first, they will not seem to be such great motivators. It is only when you fully accept and comprehend yourself in an authentic and demeaning way; you will begin to see yourself in the light you were born into. Everyone is born into a specific light radiance. Some are born into a bright glowing radiance, which will blind those around them. For you and I; we were born into a light, which casts a radiance within the darkness of the purest form. This is only for you and I to witness. The others do not and cannot comprehend the capacity which is needed to be contained within them, in order to understand you and I. This is exactly how you and I need life to be. The undeserving lemmings do not deserve to witness the raw beauty, which is contained within our hearts and thoughts. You and I are the only ones who can recognize and see within one another. Our inner sight can be penetrative and devouring. This is perhaps the sole reasoning as to why you and I intimidate the others to the extent we do. They have never had the capacity to understand either one of us, and now you and I know they never will.