This is exactly how they will know me; associating that specific type of pain, anger, and hostility towards me when I am in their sights. This is what my presence conjures within the others, when they feel the presence of my body energy field. I am the raw truth, which the others have sought within their ignorantly bred and fed lives. I am the ever present dark reflecting mirror within their begrudging realities. This is why their inner pain, anger, and hostility, become surfaced within my presence. I am the remedy they have sought, as their disease will not allow for a specific type of healing to take place. This is the way of the herd mentality; the circular path the sheeple walk upon. Their blinders hinder their sights; never allowing them to see what else exists beyond their imagination. I am what exists beyond the imagination. I am the truth; the hardest truth to face.
Tag: death
Intangible Clouds
I have been trying to get it back; everything I lost, threw away, gave away, or mishandled. I have been trying to get it back; all of it, every single piece of it. The physical items, the memories, the emotions, that internal excitement I was consumed within, during the discovery of something new. I no longer experience newness, or any type of excitement whatsoever, as this is part of the lifecycle. Those intangible clouds you want to hold on to, as one day you come to the realization they will never exist as a material tangibility. They were once within my hands, no longer a substance which can be held within the palms, but only contained within the thoughts of the mind. These intangibles are all around me; swimming deeply within my heart. It is not; you do not know what you have until it is gone. It is more of; you did not know the uniqueness of who you were, as you were getting rid of it. Once a part of yourself leaves, you will never get it back; it is forever gone. The rigidity in which you ceased caring, is the same rigidity you will constantly feel within your heart, when these incorporeal memories and ideologies, come flooding back from within. Look upon yourself, and understand for what purpose were these things expelled from your life. You made a conscious effort, and took action to release these things from your life. There was a definite reasoning for it at the time, a reasoning which compelled you to take extreme action to release. There is no point in looking back, acting back, seeking back, or trying to remember any of it. They are now gone; allow them to be free, and to live on their own. Transitions come and go, as transitions will continue to slide themselves through you for the rest of your life. Allow the rest of your life to be natural, honest, delicate, and forthcoming. Do not hinder your growth by swimming in the memories of a past life, as this self-defeating action will only lead you to the land of nowhere. Nowhere is the abyss of nonexistence. Nowhere is the land of dead words, as it is also the residence of where the actions of the others live. This is where the heart lives in confinement; chained within the yesterdays, whys, and all of the should haves. Nowhere is where all the blood of every broken word dries up; leaving the mouth scabbed, crusty, and vengeful. Nowhere is when it happened; not enough knowledge to know any better, as better could not have existed within one’s self. Leave wanting it all back alone; allow life to naturally come back to you. It will eventually all come back, once you are ready for it to do so.
Making Their Way Towards You
When I sit alone, watching the others; this is when I can easily see the insecurities they possess on a daily basis. You can always see the pain within another’s heart, just by the way they hold themselves when they are walking. Sometimes, you can actually see this weight upon their chest, and within their heart, as their body is tilted forward when they walk. This can also be the same for another, who has the weight of their past upon their back; walking hunched over, as though this weight will eventually cause their body to collapse. Both the pain in one’s heart, and the weight of one’s past upon their back, will usually give the same appearance in sight. Upon closer inspection, you will be able to tell the difference between the two. No one person is the same as another; yet the many pains one experiences, has a familiar similarity to another. There are also the others, who walk without bending their knees; utilizing their hip joints to move forward throughout their lives. You can very easily see them from far away, heavily walking; shuffling from side to side, making their way towards you. These are the ones who are trying to dodge something within their lives. What is it exactly are they trying to dodge? The time it takes to ask that question, is how long my curiosity lasts. I do not care much for the others; I never have, and I know I never will. But I like to watch the others at times, it is as though I am observing a wild animal within its natural habitat. This is what the others are to me, what they have always been, and what they inevitably will remain: fucking disgusting animals in the wild. An animal can serve many different purposes: recreational use, bait, amusement, companionship, and also for laborious work. All animals which serve any one of these purposes, must become domesticated. The domestication of any animal requires one very specific ingredient, and that specific ingredient is training. An animal must become trained within the specific purpose they will be used for. Dependent upon the animal in question, and the purpose it will serve; will denote the type of training the animal will eventually receive. This type of training is the same for the human animals as well. No matter what walk of life you are from, or the socioeconomic tree you have branched away from; you have been trained in some form or another, only to serve a purpose you did not know you were serving. When I sit alone, watching the others; this is when I can see the insecurities they possess on a daily basis. Most of these animals are fucking bottom feeders; sinking themselves down, far below and beneath the lowest of the common denominators. These mouth breathers are killing the ecosystem from the inside out, just as they were trained to do, by the hand-held brainwashing machine they do not need, but will never be able to live without. I watch as these useless others, crawl and slither away on their potbellied stomachs. I can see through their disguises, when they wear specific attire. After being around, and witnessing the animals for an extended period of time, I can now see why Francis Galton, developed eugenics. Most humans are fucking animals; unknowingly being trained on a daily basis, without ever realizing it. Now go fucking kill yourself.
Directly into Your Eyes
I have spent the night here so many times, I should probably leave a toothbrush and some toothpaste. Maybe I should also leave some clothes to wear for the next day. The intentions change, but that feeling I get within the pit of my stomach never does. I should not be here, yet I always find myself returning back to this strange place, along with that nauseous feeling within the pit of my stomach. There was one intention, whom I had a tremendous affection for, but she could not get right with herself. You know the type; thinking about thinking, then thinking some more about thinking. What a self-depriving and tedious task, these types must live through; loving and craving every attention seeking moment within it. We really should not give these types of sheeple a hard time, as their gods have already punished them, by giving them the life they are currently living. Or, they have already punished themselves, by choosing the life they are currently living. I am sure you are wondering what or where this place is, I am referring to. Well, it is not an actual physical location, as much as it is a place hidden within one’s inner self. It is a dark place within your chest cavity. A dark place where all of your rejected intentions, permanently go to hibernate for the rest of your life. I have experienced many rejected intentions, too many to remember. I used to take these types of intentions personal, as these days I no longer take anything personal. Sometimes, it can be challenging, when there is an intention, which wants nothing to do with you. It will look directly into your eyes, and this intention will look past you, as though you do not exist. This intention wants nothing to do with you. I have been here before many times. I sometimes think it is going to be different, but it never is. I would like to know the truth hiding within one’s intentions, as I am seeking this truth hidden within mine. This is one of the reasons, as to why I live within my own atmosphere. I rarely come out of it, and I rarely allow anyone to come in to disturb me. Comfort of the heart, the mind, and the soul, are of the utmost importance. This can be especially true, when one finds comfort within their own heart. The heart is a fragile love, a love which needs to be nurtured and cared for. It cannot be abused, nor should it ever be ignored. Now, this is when the true magic happens; giving your heart to an affection of yours, and it is ignored. This is how you know the true intentions of your offered affection. Whatever the results may be, it is important to accept them, and to thoroughly move on with your life. Look at your life as a sensitivity experiment; when each intention passes, the next intention will be easier to withstand. Building up your tolerance, is the best exercise for the heart, mind, and soul. If you are living within this vibration, you will experience many intentions throughout your lifetime. It is important to keep in mind, that it is not the intention you have to pay attention to, as it is the way you react to the intentions you are presented with. In this life, one can only control the reaction to an experience, not the actual experience itself.
Recognizing the Humans
I do not recognize the humans anymore. There has been a change within their DNA, which has altered them physically, psychically, and spiritually. There exists a lack mentality within the humans nowadays. When one ventures out into this etiquette lacking society, you can actually see the looks on the other’s faces, as though they are not going to get what is rightfully theirs. Rarely do I see a smile on another’s face when out in this etiquette lacking society. I watch as the humans walk aimlessly through their lives; looking for some type of hope, with the blank expression of their life’s devastation, solemnly hanging off their face. Why not kill yourself, if you are that miserable living your life? The hurt and pain being expressed upon the other’s faces, is in fact brutal. The others do not have the capacity, nor the knowledge of how to let go. Their thoughts create their facial features, just as their thoughts create their now sandpapered body energy field. If you are a sensitive, which means you are highly sensitive to energy, and the energy others project, you may in fact find it difficult at times to be out in society. You will find yourself going out into society more in the evenings, as opposed to during the day, that is if you are not at work. You also refuse to drive your car during rush hour, as you are constantly absorbing the energetic frustration and aggravation from the other drivers on the road. You have the complete capacity to be an isolationist, as you greatly enjoy your time alone. If you do in fact have friends, they are of a select few, as you only have the capacity to befriend those with who you can maintain a deep connection with. If you are in a relationship, your partner must be completely on the same level as you; otherwise, the relationship will never work out, as your partner will lack the fundamental capacity to understand your thought process. Being a sensitive can be an isolating type of lifestyle, but this does not necessarily mean you have to live an unfulfilling isolated life. On your path through this life, you will meet others who are sensitives as well. You may or may not share a connection with one another, but that work is left between the two of you. I know you are not the type whom will utter the defaming words, “I’m bored” as neither you or I have the time or the patience with these types of others. I know you have very special interests, which no one else knows about other than you. It is good to pursue these interests, as this will probably be the most fulfillment you may encounter within this lifetime. You intuitively know you will not experience the type of fulfillment you receive through your interests, by being in any type of personal relationship. I have never experienced any type of fulfillment, within any type of personal relationship. This is my design, the way I am; not possessing the ability to conform on any level, as I am also unable to emotionally connect with those around me. I have worked through this character trait my entire life, as I fully accept this quality, which allows me to live within myself. I was born unto this world with the inner inclination of being solitary, as I have accepted this trait within its entirety. It is true: I have no friends, and two family members who somewhat care about me. This is pretty much all I need, as this is how I have lived throughout the duration of my life. I have never known anything different, as it is extraordinarily difficult for me to emotionally connect with other people, let alone being able to connect with another romantically.
Their Laughter
There is something intangible, ungraspable; something I have been searching for my entire life. I know it exists, though I do not know what it is, where to find it, or what it could possibly be. I am not entirely sure if it is a thing, a feeling, an emotion, or death for that matter. I know its existence is real, and I will attain it. I know this does not make sense to you, but for those of you who do understand exactly what I am talking about, it does make sense. Just when I think I may have found what I have been looking for, it is then presented to me that it is not. This is when I can hear the gods laughing at me again, yet I never allow their laughter to hinder my intent or movement forward. Nothing will hinder my search for this missing substance within my life, which I know exists.
G.G. Kalfas 