When strength and curiosity collide; this is when you know your time is up. The early hours are usually the most honest hours; containing the thoughts that would not dare to allow one to sleep. Hunger. Nausea. Ridicule; all burning a hole in your stomach. A fire that will burn you alive. A type of scarring a skin graft will never be able to cover. The rage acts out on behalf of your past; erasing, or at least trying to erase, every defeating memory within your thought process, which burns you alive. The Phoenix. The only ashes I have seen, are the ashes from my cigarettes. Breathe it in deeper. Choke on the aroma. Allow the bliss to settle deep within the burn. Be the fire, which burns you alive. Be your inner yearning.
Tag: consciousness
Natural Selection?
Considering their circumstances, it can be quite exhausting and tediously straining; dealing with the others, and their trivial thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Why on Earth would they think you or I would actually care about their personal holocausts? Who gives a fuck about them, or their internally shattered emotional states. One of the grand hallmarks of the others being in therapy, or undergoing some type of psychiatric treatment, is fiercely contained within their inner compulsion, their undying need to core-dump and completely unload all of their thoughts, feelings, emotions, and the contents of their emotionally unstable mentality and emotions onto those around them. Fuck that! These types of others should be killed immediately: upon sight and contact. Consider this the truest form of social justice. It is easy to understand how this is the real type of social distancing. Six feet apart? Try six feet under. I am the ultimate healthcare provider, the other type of HMO. I am the truest form of a self-help realization. I am the strongest pillar of this community, in the truest sense of the word. I can be defined as the ultimate outreach program; helping those who were never able to help themselves. If you are not able to survive in a world, which is designed to take your life; why should we allow technology to interfere with natural selection? We definitely should not.
Sinking Yourself Into Me
This is where we have always loved to play. Deep within your blackened mind. Those thoughts you are having right now at this very moment, they are not yours; they are mine. You can’t fool me, let alone yourself. You can say anything you like to me, but you and I will always know the truth. There is nothing you can hide from me. I see everything you try to live within. Those words, the clothing, that job, and that pathetic dripping life you so desperately keep clinging to, only weigh you down. Sinking yourself into me. I am a gluten for another’s punishment. I love to see the pain surface within another’s glossy eyeballs. Their eyes become so big; their lids are unable to keep them covered.
Recognized and Glorified
The failure to circumvent any type of diseased situation, could be quite devastating to the body energy field. To even be in close proximity to a diseased situation, could in fact be costly to one’s sacred energy. There are many types of people, who do in fact drag their tedious and belligerent undertakings, around with them wherever they travel to. This is how they showcase their life’s trophies to everyone they come into contact with. It is a devastating double-feature, with many script rewrites, and a cast of utterly and grotesquely disgusting sheeple. This is how many of the others display their personal anathema to the society they so desperately desire to impress. Yet, when given the full attention any neurosis deserves; the sheeple will utilize and exploit their life’s problems and failures, in order to bond with other like-minded damaged sheeple. This seems to be a tradition, which many of the others celebrate on a daily basis. The sheeple desire to be recognized and glorified for their pain, as though there is some type of bountiful treasure to be obtained by showcasing their personal anathemas, as though the ones around them honestly and sincerely care. Other sheeple do not care about other sheeple; they never have and they never will. Simply because one chooses to self-medicate themselves into a self-indulging stupor of self-importance, is reflective of just how much this other, truly does not know themselves. It is also reflective of how little of a desire exists, in order for this other to face the truth of their internal nature; hiding deep within their internal core.
Circumvent the Initial Response
This is when the stinging thorn of a dark cold Winter, will stick itself deep into your Common Carotid Artery. One must ultimately circumvent the initial response, and come to understand that what is being felt is actually hereditary. This is a father’s negligent and unloving gift to a lost son; a lost son searching for himself within the life-numbing pain of the stinging thorn, which is contained within the dark of a cold Winter. There are times when you will feel an internal itching, as though what you are experiencing is coming from deep within your inner core. There are also times when that internal itching, is not part of your internal core, as it has been grown from within you, not of your own accord. This internal itching, is actually of a hereditarian disposition. This internal function, may feel as true to you, as you feel true to yourself, but this is the subtle illusion of a hereditarian trick being played out deep within your consciousness. There may be times when you instinctually may feel to act, or think of acting in a specific way. Yes; one will usually be reactive in a specific way, in accordance to their specific life experiences and thoughts processes. Yet, there is a good chance this could be another hereditarian trick being played out upon the consciousness. Your personal reactiveness, a specific thought, or the internal dialogue you may have, could in fact be that of a father, mother, or possibly even an ancestor would have had. In actuality, there is no real way to tell the difference between the two. There are special disciplines, which one could perform, in order to break away from any type, or any residual hereditarian behavioral patterns. The first and foremost important step one would need to explore, is the exploration of one’s true inner self. The inner rawness contained within one’s self, may in fact be the rawest and most difficult process they may ever endure. A tremendous amount of inner strength is needed, in order to accomplish this endeavor. For most people, this can be a terrifying act of self-exploration, as they will spend the rest of their lives wanting to follow through within exploring themselves, yet lacking the initiative and inner strength needed in order to do so.
The Story of Susan:
It is the loud and abrasive, woodblock sound, from the enamel covering chomping teeth, when one is possessed by the harsh throws of withdrawing from barbiturates, which come in the convenient form of antidepressants; all the while fantasizing about suicide, within a diseased intellect. I still cannot get the sound of Susan’s 300 pounds per square inch, of spastic, uncontrollable mandible chomping delirium, out of my ears. The chomping was so loud, so intense; I could feel the vibrations from her jaw within mine. Susan’s breathing was that of an asthmatic, combined with one who has been held under water, far beyond their lung’s capacity to hold any breath. Susan’s gasping style of breathing, combined with her 300lb psi chomping, were consistent with her personal confessions to me of wanting to die. I asked Susan, “Why do you want to die?” She nonchalantly replied, “I no longer believe in God”. This is when I shared my experience of the time I died, and crossed over to the other side of the veil of life and death. I also shared my conversation I had with the Infernal Consciousness, and how it does exist, and is very much real. After hearing my experience of crossing over, Susan was unaffected by my words, as she still wanted to maintain her journey through her suicidal playland. I suspect there is a part of Susan’s psyche, which gives her an erotic arousal, within these types of thoughts. You see, the subject in question is an old client of mine, as I have known her for over fifteen years. Susan has always possessed a meek disposition, while trying to come across as authoritative and controlling; projecting these false traits externally, in order to hide her true internal disposition. Yet this external projection, is simply a thin façade; coving the true debilitations she possesses deep within herself. I have never seen another human being, possessed within this extreme type of mental delirium. Yes; she has never been mentally well, but through her life, she has been able to maintain some functionality, despite the disabling throws of her personal neuroses. Upon sight, when she walked into the room yesterday; I could immediately tell, she was under the spell of a debilitating subconscious mind. The putrid and diseased intellect contained within her subconscious mind, had allowed foreign entities to possess her body energy field, as well as maintain a diabolical hold over her thought process. There were unknown foreign entities, as well as familial ghosts from her past, which were also inhabiting her meek and challenged soul. Unfortunately, Susan was too enthralled within her personal melancholia, to truly recognize or even understand for that matter, what was really going on within her mind. This is when I knew she needed an exorcism, but this was not a service I could provide for her yesterday, given the time I had allotted to spend with her. Instead of providing the initial exorcism, which she desperately required, I decided upon cleansing her body energy field, as a means to quiet the inner turmoil she was currently experiencing. To initiate any type of exorcism upon Susan within her current mental state, would simply be more than her fragile capacity could withstand. I doubt cleansing her body energy field did any good spiritually, but mentally it might have given her some type of emotional strength, in order for Susan to cease having thoughts of ending her own life. I had Susan step outside onto the 18th floor balcony of her hi-rise apartment. When she grabbed the rails of the balcony’s boundary, for a moment I thought she might jump. A part of me wanted to watch her plummet do her death, as the other part of me would have stopped her if she tried. I poured sea salt into her cupped hands, and told her to hold them together; keeping the salt safely contained within the palms of her hands. I told Susan to focus all of her negative and troubling thoughts into the salt she was cupping within her palms. I explained to Susan; when it felt right within her body energy field, she would need to release the salt from her hands, by throwing the entire cupped contents of salt over the balcony. Once she released the cupped contents over the balcony, she exhaled deeply, as though she released something hideous contained deep from within her tortured soul. This is when she turned around, and looked me directly in the eyes. This is when with relief; she spoke, “Thank you”, as she then approached me for a hug. I was not comfortable hugging Susan, as I did not want any of her residual, lingering energy, coinciding upon my body energy field. But I intuitively knew, any residual energy which may still be lingering, did not, nor could, have power over my body energy field in any way, whatsoever. When I left the premises of her domain that afternoon, the thoughts of witnessing a subject in such a state did not leave my mind. In all of my years working with people, and their neuroses, I have never witnessed a subject in such a state of anathema. It is as though, she herself, along with the Infernal Consciousness, have purposefully put her in limbo of consciousness, for some type of payment for a karmic debt. How much wrong does one have to commit upon themselves, and upon the Infernal Consciousness, in order to experience that type of punishment? One will never know another’s thought process, life experiences, nor their true intent within their internal agenda, until one can see the world through another’s eyes. If you really had the opportunity to witness another’s outlook on life; would you choose to do so? By doing so, many people think they would find this endeavor interesting. I can share my personal first-hand experiences with you, as I can explicitly state: they are not! At first, you may be curious, as finding their outlook to be different from your own, but after a while of living behind their sights; nothing within those specific experiences, will be beneficial to you. There will be trace fragmentations, which will attach themselves to your body energy field; enabling your mind, slowly and steadily. It can take years or even decades, to thoroughly rid yourself and your body energy field of these infiltrating trace fragmentations. I know for certain, that I will not see Susan again. This certainty is not that she may end her own life; this certainty is of my own choosing. Susan will not longer be a client of mine, as our time together has now come to a close. There is nothing more I can do for Susan, as I can no longer benefit her life. I as well, no longer find a benefit nor purpose for Susan to be in my life. Existence is a reciprocal lifeform; one must equally give and receive, in order to experience any type of balance. When the scale of the order is tilted or not balanced properly, the experience becomes one-sided; creating a blockage, which no longer serves a purpose to either participant. I have personally witnessed how others, will try to bring about a resolve within a circumstance, which simply cannot and will not exist. As an example; wanting a square to become a circle or a triangle. Simply put: it will never happen. One must allow life to live upon the terms it has set forth for itself. There exists no such control over a life, unless that specific life has conceded its power over to another. Perhaps this is the death Susan had in mind; wanting another to consume the inner control within her, which she was no longer wanted to cultivate and harvest.
G.G. Kalfas 