It has now ended. All of this without having a beginning. No understanding. For what it was created for. I could see the despairing look within your eyes. Distant and ever-glaring. Your skeleton kisses. Numb, lacking conviction. There was no feeling or emotion put into any one of them. A routine you know all too well. I was just another. A man from a mother. A man you felt needed to know the power of your rejection. A man who was going to show you a deep internal infection. It was not that powerful. As the stories would allow you to believe. I have dealt with atrocities such as yourself for most of my life. One of my avid pastimes. You can provide the heartbreaking part. I will provide the breaking part. Your inner sights have been blinded; never seeing the created damage of your life. You are in fact the damaged damage. The internal and external defamation of solicited ideologies. You are the stagnation of misinterpreted philosophies. Hollow body. Life’s commodity. Everything and everyone are for sale. Sale of the century. Sale of impiety. The sale of living in betrayal. Liquidating your morals and standards. Pennies on the dollar. Auctioning your standards off to the highest bidder. You are extraordinarily protective of your lost nature. I have never held you responsible for yourself. Many of the sheeple do not know they have the power to be responsible for themselves. I know you were not always this way. I knew you before you started your exploitation expedition. You took a couple of wrong turns. Never caring to get right with yourself. This is why you have harvested the shattered memories within your burnt garden of lies. This is what created your landscape of disillusionment. There is nothing to reach out to within your psyche. There is no communication within sight. Just the shallow end of your cesspool, which may need a little bit more chlorine. Pissing in the pool. You described yourself as deep, honest, and spiritual. It was a lie you could never deny. I have caught you in many of these, many of times. I have dealt with enough lies within my life. I can smell the lies before the mouth putrefies the air with their syllables. I will allow you to maintain the belief of you being strong. You are as strong, as steel is weak. You will never again know my thoughts. I will give you exactly what you have given to me. Nothing.
Tag: #blogpoetry
I Know You Do
It is these hollow mornings that will definitely eat you alive. In one solid bite. In one solid swallow. Those softly creeping footsteps you keep hearing coming from behind you, those footsteps are the sound of uncertainty coming to pay you a visit. An old friend who would like to remind you of your life and of your past. As though you do not have enough remnants of your past haunting you on a daily basis, uncertainty wants to make sure you absorb it fully, wholly, and completely. All of it. Every tiny morsel. Family and friends are also laughing at you. They never could understand your thought process, let alone anything which makes you who you are. The voices are grading and intruding upon one’s consciousness; violating the serenity wanting to bloom from within. No one could ever understand me, but I know you do. At least you act as though you do.
Some Type of Reasoning
If you feel as though you keep hitting a brick wall in life, then there must be some type of reasoning existing behind the wall. Sometimes circumstances exist to protect you, not to hinder your progress moving forward in life. Where does this protection come from? Perhaps a holy guardian angel, also known as an inner daemon? There is no exact threshold in which this knowing can fully be attained. Sometimes there will exist periods within one’s life, which simply needs to be lived through.
I am a Realist
It can be a confining feeling; being locked up within your mind your whole/hole life. There is no escape from the prison of one’s mind. A common place I have seemed to find myself in on a daily basis. There is no shelter in here, only the confining torment of the mind’s tricks and pleasures. A carousel of regrets, self-hatred, and lost opportunities. There is no escape from one’s self. To feel special and unique; this is a daydream only dreamers and deceivers fondle themselves in. I myself am a realist, as I can taste the bloodlust behind closed eyes. I can feel the temptations draining and rotting me from within. This is why I crave the isolation chamber; to keep the beast hidden from within, away from the rest of the world. No one has ever mistaken me for one of those weak-minded or weak-willed sycophants, who constantly need to be validated by complete and total strangers. The only thing worse than that, is being a stranger within one’s own mind.
A Dying Compulsion
It is another way for you and I to connect. It is an energy transference, which many of the others cannot differentiate from any other mundane experience. You are unique in this special way. You can see through and beyond it; you can see through all of life’s illusions. As for me, I am the illusion which allows you to see beyond all of the illusions life and myself have to offer you. There is no other way, as there is no escape from me. I have created all of the sensations you have ever experienced through your senses. I know you thought what you experienced was real, but it was another illusion I allowed you to experience. It is that grand spiritual awakening you experienced a couple of years back. Finally, everything within your miserable life was finally making sense to you; even through it really didn’t, you made yourself believe it did. Self-deceit is the worse type of deceit there is. This strictly goes against everything a Satanist such as yourself is supposed to believe in. With the circumstance such as they are in your life currently, it can be easy to get lost on your path. Everyone around you wanting or needing your precious attention, just as everyone in your life is demanding some type of task you need to perform for them. I can only imagine just how tedious all of these directions must in fact be for you. I am sure you will eventually find a way to alleviate this tediousness; eventually severing it completely from your life. It is the undying compulsion within you to express yourself from within, which make the others want and need your attention so demandingly. You know the type; when you are available, they will not require your attention. But when you are enraptured within one of your expressions, and do not have time for anyone or anything else; this is when they will do everything within their power to distract you from your life, just so you will focus your time and energy on them instead of your expression. This is the way most of the insecure others live their lives. One should be extremely cautious and on guard at all times, as to whom they allow into their life, and their body energy field. If one allows another into their life without caution, the results of one’s body energy field becoming contaminated by another’s low vibration, could permanently damage and fragment the tonal frequency of one’s body energy field. There will be times when these others will portray themselves to be something they are not, as these times will be frequent and consistent. These types of others will try their hardest to sneak past your defenses, but mostly they will try to sneak past your intellect in order to manipulate your senses and your integrity. The key word here is ‘try’. These others are weak; weak in body, spirit, mind, and in thought, word, and deed. It can be somewhat amusing to watch these others trying to manipulate you, in order to achieve their selfish intentions. I have always found this to be a strange occurrence; how the weak within society usually think themselves to be of the strongest of their kind around. Such as the case of the feeble-minded, as they think themselves to be of the highest intellect.
Breath is Completely Overrated
The transition of an internal demolition. Killing the insides, just so you can grasp fragments of the air around you in order to breathe. Breath is completely overrated. Tell that to a drowning victim. In a way, we are all victims; of our decisions, choices, and personal attitudes. When life is suffocating you, and you do not have the internal capacity to breathe, it can be somewhat challenging to see straight. This is especially true if your lenses are dirty, and you need a new prescription. It’s nothing new to me: old hat. These cycles run themselves around my mind, and through my soul. Soul-crushing. A transition’s grin. The depths of insanity. The reality of uncertainty. I still look for that supposed silver lining. It’s covered in the blood and wreckage of my past. Another endeavor I could not spiritually afford. An affirmation. A devastation. The circumference of a broken heart. The radiance of a glowing death. Tears and fears in arrears. The only way to pay for life’s decisions and choices when under duress. How else did you think it was going to turn out? There is no fairytale to hold on to. There are no remembrances, which do not make me cringe. Some would say, “Just hang in there, it’ll work out if you just give it some time.” I feel as though time has run out. Time ran away from me crying and screaming. I truly wish I knew better, But at this point in my life, what the fuck is the point to any of it? The love I had within me died the day I was born.
G.G. Kalfas 