Tag: #be yourself

Back in 2018

ggkalfas

This was the first book I published back in 2018. The title of the book, You Cannot Put a Picture in My Frame of Mind, comes from lyrics to a song I had written back in 1999. In the late 90’s to early 2000’s, I was lead guitarist for a death metal band here in Houston, Texas. Nothing ever became of the band, because I quit when I decided to check myself into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. This book is a culmination of song lyrics, daily journal entries, and dream journal entries, which I had written pre and post sobriety. I sobered up to save my life, yet throughout the years, I sometimes question if it was all worth it. Sometimes it is yes; sometimes it is not yes. It’s interesting how life can take you to places, which you never thought you would experience. The highs and lows seem to balance themselves out: flatlining. I have no words of wisdom, or “deep” philosophical insights, which no one truly gets. I have nothing for you today, except for you to enjoy your life. If you do not experience life, it might turn on you like a rabid dog, and experience you.

Pretentious Pretending

ggkalfas

The sounds of the sirens keep knocking. The looks from their eyes keep staring. An easy distraction, which will pull you under its spell. Basic words for basic minds. I know you don’t mind. I know you do not understand my words, wordings, or meaning. A one hit wonder that no one wonders about. A cyclops-minded type of enthusiasm, which leaves you emptied, but full of guilt. Those day have now died, along with the attention you once had. And no, you will never see it again. I know you still do not understand my words, but your pretentious type of pretending suits you the best.

Happiness

ggkalfas

The only thing which brings a glimpse of happiness into my life is writing these blog posts.

A Lie You Could Never Deny

ggkalfas

It has now ended. All of this without having a beginning. No understanding. For what it was created for. I could see the despairing look within your eyes. Distant and ever-glaring. Your skeleton kisses. Numb, lacking conviction. There was no feeling or emotion put into any one of them. A routine you know all too well. I was just another. A man from a mother. A man you felt needed to know the power of your rejection. A man who was going to show you a deep internal infection. It was not that powerful. As the stories would allow you to believe. I have dealt with atrocities such as yourself for most of my life. One of my avid pastimes. You can provide the heartbreaking part. I will provide the breaking part. Your inner sights have been blinded; never seeing the created damage of your life. You are in fact the damaged damage. The internal and external defamation of solicited ideologies. You are the stagnation of misinterpreted philosophies. Hollow body. Life’s commodity. Everything and everyone are for sale. Sale of the century. Sale of impiety. The sale of living in betrayal. Liquidating your morals and standards. Pennies on the dollar. Auctioning your standards off to the highest bidder. You are extraordinarily protective of your lost nature. I have never held you responsible for yourself. Many of the sheeple do not know they have the power to be responsible for themselves. I know you were not always this way. I knew you before you started your exploitation expedition. You took a couple of wrong turns. Never caring to get right with yourself. This is why you have harvested the shattered memories within your burnt garden of lies. This is what created your landscape of disillusionment. There is nothing to reach out to within your psyche. There is no communication within sight. Just the shallow end of your cesspool, which may need a little bit more chlorine. Pissing in the pool. You described yourself as deep, honest, and spiritual. It was a lie you could never deny. I have caught you in many of these, many of times. I have dealt with enough lies within my life. I can smell the lies before the mouth putrefies the air with their syllables. I will allow you to maintain the belief of you being strong. You are as strong, as steel is weak.  You will never again know my thoughts. I will give you exactly what you have given to me. Nothing.

I Know You Do

ggkalfas

It is these hollow mornings that will definitely eat you alive. In one solid bite. In one solid swallow. Those softly creeping footsteps you keep hearing coming from behind you, those footsteps are the sound of uncertainty coming to pay you a visit. An old friend who would like to remind you of your life and of your past. As though you do not have enough remnants of your past haunting you on a daily basis, uncertainty wants to make sure you absorb it fully, wholly, and completely. All of it. Every tiny morsel. Family and friends are also laughing at you. They never could understand your thought process, let alone anything which makes you who you are. The voices are grading and intruding upon one’s consciousness; violating the serenity wanting to bloom from within. No one could ever understand me, but I know you do. At least you act as though you do.