Author: ggkalfas

The tailspin of isolation, can bring about a characterization of your internal truth, and your external mask. The real questioning begins, when you find your external mask, is actually looking into your soul, begging for answers for which are not there. There is no certainty to be had, just as there is no redemption to be found. There never was a point in searching for any of these to begin with, they have been absent from within for many years now. Stolen by the circumcisions of life: prejudices, ego, lost love, distractions, painful memories, and the all too frightfully familiar, hate. There is a specific type of hate, one experiences when this hate has a cross-hair focus on the others. It is a cancerous hate, which spreads into every cell within your body; multiplying the hate forward into infinite permanence. The raw extinguishment of love has officially taken place, as there will never be a glimpse of the sunrise within the heart of a hateful way of life. I can remember that day so vividly; I could feel the hate pouring through my burning eyes, as I watched the others live their lives. I was not content seeing their way of life, as I knew I was better than them, as I knew I was part of the selected few who had actually evolved past their species. I was ridiculed for my beliefs, as I always am; the adversity makes me stronger, more understanding of what it truly means to not know the truth. In life, I have come to understand, there never was any truth to begin with. You and I were brought up in lies, we were taught to live our life within these lies, and now we have woken up, seeing the lies for what they truly are: suffocation. To begin to live your life within your truth; you must first make peace with your past, if you skip this part, you will forever stay stagnant, spending the rest of your life going nowhere backwards. I have lived through the lie, just as I have lived through the truth; the lie is easier to live through, as the truth is a painful sensation within the spine. Yet, I would rather endure the pain, knowing it was real, as opposed to the blissfulness of a lie, not knowing it was fake.

The unfathomable releases itself, noticing its dark reflection within the mirror before it. A slight glance, a distant murmur, irrefutable discharge, charging into the blinding blackness of the cold Autumn night. A black silhouette, of a fragmented mind. A black silhouette, of what was found to unwind. The distance always held promising depictions, as these were depictions of what was to come. They could not be seen or heard externally, but within, the subtleness with, this was a different type of realm. The kind of realm, which made all of the demons lavishly weep for a certain type of redemption, which could never exist for their kind of torture. Lurking within the short distance, this is the bloodlust of motivation and self-seeking. This is the type of self-seeking bloodlust, which makes one’s mouth salivate profusely; grinding one’s insides in and out, wanting and needing more. The salivation comes when there is a temptress, who admits to have a claim in utero. This is the ultimate reward for the sacrifices, which were made, and will eventually be made within the hereafter. Insertion into in utero; the travesty of piety, a benefit for no one. Intensely watching the reflections of an exorcism within the black tainted mirror. The temptress receives more pleasure than pain, as she is begging for the same. Begging and pleading for the torture to never end, the rawness of her inner savage will never mend. This is what she undeniably credits to her slit wrists; she needs to be heard and seen, slightly caught in between, what she has always considered to be unclean. The distance still holds the unknown majesty within it. The future is always a golden chalice, waiting for anyone to drink life’s strong and intoxicating wine from. Life always tries to hide her face from the living; as she is always wearing a long black hooded robe, and holding a scythe in her hands. Life has never been a stranger to me. I know exactly who she is, and what she represents. Most people have never seen her, as I see her every night. She comes to visit me in my dreams, sometimes showing me my future while I sleep. For some curious reason, she will never show me my immediate future, but only my distant future. Life will reveal future events which will happen anywhere from 3 to 5 years in the future from the night I have the dreams. I will forget all about having these futuristic dreams, until an event within my waking life will cause me to recall these future dreams, I had 3 to 5 years prior. What is life trying to reveal to me, by giving me dreams of exactly what is going to happen in 3 to 5 years from now? I feel it may be a strong possibility, that no matter what decisions, no matter what choices we make, the place we end up will always be the same. Life is curious in that way; she will allow you to believe anything you want to believe, but will then mindfuck you just for her own pleasure. Just after Life has finished mindfucking you, she will allow you to believe something completely different, then again stepping in to seek out her pleasures from within your pain, permanently solidifying herself deep within your murky fragmented mind.

Your eyes are trying to peer into me through mine; as though you are looking for something, something familiar to you. There is nothing here for you to see dark tourist. There is absolutely nothing contained within your repertoire, which could even come close to your present experience with me now. There was no way you could have ever prepared yourself for this moment, as I have been prepared for it my entire life. You may think you know me, my type, my way, or other people like me, whom you associate me with, but nothing could be further from the truth, your truth, or my truth. Your truth lives within your eyes, just as my truth lives within mine. You see your world through your pleasures, experiences, and your beautiful pains; just as your lull paradigm has finally ran out of time. I see the world through the eyes of neglected time; to look at the world and life personally, would not be the way it was meant to be viewed. Others such as yourself; have lived through the aeons, blindly searching within this catastrophic mistake. So, now you think you can see me; what is it exactly you think you can see? My fears, my pains, all of my unknown secrets, which now you know? I will pretend to allow you to believe which ever truth or lie you choose; as you serve no importance within my life. There are no such things as truths or lies; there are only such things as different paradigms. The intent of a paradigm; this is what separates ideologies and realities, from the truth or a lie. I am open and honest within myself, as I have always been since the morning I was born. I leave my truths open and available to those who can see these insignia’s shine freely within me. For the true life-amateurs, these are the ones who think they know everything; moreover, they do know everything about absolutely nothing. I am not trying to demean the existence of people such as these, as it is always important to have cannon fodder available.

I spoke to Gabriel last night. He bore writings within his flesh to me. He did not intend for me, or anyone else to see the personal writings etched upon his flesh. When Gabriel noticed I was trying to read his etchings of an unknown language, he immediately covered the etchings up using part of his cloth robe. He had a strange, discerning look upon his face, as though I knew better than to try and read his personal etchings. It was not as though I could read his etchings, as they were written in a language I have never seen before. The letters were made up of, straight and curved lines, with small circles at the ends of the lines. A very strange and unusual alphabet, one mankind is not familiar with. This alphabet is one of the angels, demons, gods, and the spirits; not designed to be read by mankind. What is it the others try to keep secret from us? I do not think we were meant to live on Earth in complete secrecy; but why do the others see fit to keep us lurking in the dark? For their own benefit? There is no sense to it at all, other than to maintain a control; a physical and mental domination over mankind. I believe there secret really is not a secret at all. I believe mankind, more specifically, the individual; is more powerful than any angel, demon, god, or spirit could ever be. This is not meant in a mythological sense, but in a present-day sense. The others have vast powers, yet these powers are specific to the individual entity; were as the individual has all of the powers of the others as a whole contained within themselves. This is the secret, which was etched upon Gabriel’s flesh in an unknown language to mankind. This was why Gabriel gave me a discerning look. It is part of their oath; not to allow any mortal to know their whole dominion and complete power they hold above the others. This is the main reason why mankind has been at a crossroads since its conception. This is the whole reason of the Inquisition, and why the witches of antiquity were burned at the stake. This is why the book religions have killed and massacred tens of millions of people over the years; for the sole purpose of completing their quest to convert humanity from the ways of nature, to perverted and unnatural propagandized ways of the book religions.

There is something, which is intangible, un-graspable, which I have been seeking for my entire life. I know it is there, I know it exists; I just don’t know what it is, where to find it, or what it would even be. I am not entirely sure if it a thing, a feeling, an emotion, or even death for that matter. All I undoubtedly know, is that it exists and I need to attain it. I know this makes absolutely zero sense, but for those of you who understand exactly what I am talking about: it does. Just when I think I might have found what it is I have been looking for, it is then presented to me that it is not what I have been seeking; again, I can hear the gods laughing at me. I do not allow this to hinder my intent to move forward, to in fact find this missing substance within my life, which I know still exists. There is also this knot, I have felt within the pit of my stomach since I could remember. It has lived within the pit of my stomach since my early eviction from my mother’s womb. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to get the hell out of there as well; I was getting claustrophobic, and I needed to get the hell out of there. Eight months was a long enough stay for me, I needed to breathe on my own. The food and board were fine, I was just time for me to be on my own. This knot, which lives within the pit of my stomach, seems to be a living, breathing knot; tightening and loosening all on its own. It will get so tight sometimes, that out of nowhere, I will feel as though I am going to throw-up. It is not nerves, and it is not anxiety; it is the knot tightening itself completely around my soul. I felt the knot more intensely when I was younger, as opposed to now, that I am older. Possibly, it may be that I am just used to feeling it; with it not bother me as much anymore, but it is still there strangling my soul. I wonder sometimes, if this intangible, un-graspable, thing I have been seeking my entire life, is in fact a way to release this knot from the pit of my stomach. It makes sense to me, since there are the two, long term, common denominators throughout my lifetime. Both of these stigmas are related, and belong to one another. I can now see how these two afflictions have always had their way with me throughout my life. Perhaps I should just leave them be, since I cannot seem to understand their purpose within my life, or my purpose within theirs. There seems to be so many un-explainable circumstances within this life, which make absolutely no sense to me. I have search for answers all over the place, yet nothing ever becomes revealed, or ever comes to fruition. It is probably better this way, sometimes not knowing is better than knowing. Everything which exists within this vibration has a purpose; no matter what it is. There is nothing which is trivial, just as there is nothing which is coincidental. The purposes and the meanings of our experiences is solely for us to decipher and to understand. We may sometimes seek out others interpretations for what happens in our lives, but the experience happened to you, not them; it is up to the individual to understand their own life, their own purpose, and their own meanings from their own life. The greatest gift in this world, is the ability to think, speak, and act within your own consciousness.