Life is about mastering the internal and external evolutions within one’s lifecycle. One may experience a cycle over and over again, until the cycle itself is mastered by one’s consciousness. I have recognized this patter within the cycles of my life, as well as the cycles within the life of others. There is much to be said, and even more to be learned from living within an unrelenting repetitive lifecycle. There is a closure, an understanding of peace within one’s heart, when a lifecycle comes to a much needed and necessary conclusion. The death of a lifecycle is an ascending movement upward and forward within the depths of one’s internal and external very own understanding of consciousness and life itself. The mixtures of energies and frequencies within one’s lifecycle, solely exist as an exercise of the internal and external will, of one’s understanding of consciousness, and one’s heart’s desire. The kinetic desires and substances contained within the vibrations and movements within the surrounding energies and frequencies within one’s internal and external paradigms, become enhanced and useable, when harnessed by focus and volition of one’s conscious and subconscious minds. Energies and frequencies, along with internal and external vibrations, are moldable when one becomes master of their free will. The underlying understanding of one’s free will, is the innate ability of possessing, in full capacity, the absolute choice and power of focusing one’s mind; therefore, the psychic power contained within their body energy field, upon the living and breathing internal and external realms they mentally, physically, spiritually, and psychically inhabit. The external projection of one’s internal volition upon these realms, can and will create dimensions and doorways within the Æther’s consciousness; allowing interdimensional doorways, pathways, frequencies, and energies to be experienced within this material realm. In its truest essence; one’s volition and knowing, is the fundamental core foundation of any and all forms of lower and higher magick. Without volition and knowing, belief in any type of inner and outer workings, will simply not exist; moreover, these workings will not contain the power needed in order for them to manifest within this, or any other realm. The core foundation of any and all forms of internal or external workings is contained within one’s heart’s desire. Consciousness within itself, is the rawest form of lower and higher magick contained within the Æther. It is important for the individual practitioner to create their own ways, means, and methods, along with their own rituals and incantations, when invoking any type of internal and/or external consciousness. Before any type of consciousness is invoked, one must recognize the vibrational frequency contained within their heart at that specific moment. When one is in alignment with their volition, the inner yearnings of their heart’s desire, and the consciousness they wish to invoke; they will find success within any type of internal or external workings they so choose to induce upon the internal and external realms.
Author: ggkalfas
G.G. Kalfas is an American born author and publisher. He is also the noted author of many books, which encompass his experiences within life and death, as these experiences are displayed through the subject matter of his short stories. His intention for writing these books, is to display the importance of philosophy and psychology, as they play an integral part of the development contained within the experience of the human condition. Within his development, G.G. was compelled towards music, poetry, art, philosophy, and psychology. He was also the lead guitarist in a Houston based metal band, as well as the owner of an underground art gallery. He now spends his time writing about the darkness within the human expression, while exploring the hidden knowledge contained within the depths of life, death, and what may or may not exist beyond human consciousness.
Pretentious Pretending
The sounds of the sirens keep knocking. The looks from their eyes keep staring. An easy distraction, which will pull you under its spell. Basic words for basic minds. I know you don’t mind. I know you do not understand my words, wordings, or meaning. A one hit wonder that no one wonders about. A cyclops-minded type of enthusiasm, which leaves you emptied, but full of guilt. Those day have now died, along with the attention you once had. And no, you will never see it again. I know you still do not understand my words, but your pretentious type of pretending suits you the best.
The Concept of Being a Human Being
Completion in its self, is simply the culmination of thoroughly understanding specific experiences, which pertain to extremely specific circumstances, contained within the metamorphosis and transition of one’s lifecycle. Upon reaching this understanding of completion, you will energetically feel yourself breaking free from the chrysalis, which has been tirelessly keeping you safely protected during the process of your transitional metamorphosis. When you really think about it; today is the only day you will ever live. Do you truly remember every little single detail of what you experienced yesterday, or even a week ago, let alone a month ago? I doubt it very much. Can you even remember the details you lived through this very morning; what you said, what you did, or even the random thoughts which were sporadically occurring within your fragmented mind? I highly doubt it. Now is truly the only time you possess to experience life with. I find it curious and interesting, how one’s heart truly desires to live within the now, and to only experience the now. There is no escaping the now, when one’s heart’s desire shows itself to be present and focused. It is as though the desire, the inner yearnings of screams from within one’s self, will consume one’s will and understanding of life; compelling one to break free from their internal and external bondage, in order to experience life in all of its rawness and grit. This is the hidden meaning, which is hidden underneath the concept of being a human being. Within our cowardly new world, far too many of the others, willingly choose to live vicariously through their hand-held devices. Little do they know, each time this atrocity occurs, they are in actually handing over a tiny piece of their soul to their hand-held master’s commands. The vast majority of the others do not want to be responsible for themselves, let alone be responsible for their own soul. Why would handing over a piece of their soul each time they shove their nose into their hand-held device bother them? They want to be controlled, they need and desire to be told by their masters what is best for them. This type of behavior and obedient attitude, is the quickest way to find death within one’s heart’s desire. The human species has devolved away from its internal connection with itself and its higher purpose for being alive within its own consciousness. I am not entirely sure the human species will ever find its way back; knowing the raw essence of what truly exists from within. There exists the heavy essence of a “lack mentality” within the human species, which has absolutely no purpose for being there. This lack mentality, has been carefully place within the human’s thought process, as this way of thinking will keep them constantly looking for more, consuming more, and needing more of the things they do not need, but cannot live without. One’s heart’s desire, does not exist within a lack mentality, a lack consciousness, as this is a false placement within one’s life. Consciousness exists only to enjoy the experience of expressing itself, not to be bombarded by the external world’s unnecessarily created energies and frequencies. One cannot live in a world of fear, pain, and torment; thinking they will be able to fulfill the inner yearnings of their heart’s desire. Weight and heaviness cannot exist within one’s heart, as this will in actuality, weight one’s life purpose down. The weight and heaviness of one’s thoughts and feelings, will eventually prolong one’s internal pain to the point of nonaction. One’s heart will not be able to express itself, which will eventually create a blockage from within, as this will eventually affect every aspect of one’s life. One must clear the blockage from their heart, which will eventually clear the blockage from within their life.
Recognizing the Humans
I do not recognize the humans anymore. There has been a change within their DNA, which has altered them physically, psychically, and spiritually. There exists a lack mentality within the humans nowadays. When one ventures out into this etiquette lacking society, you can actually see the looks on the others faces, as though they are not going to get what is rightfully theirs. Rarely do I see a smile on another’s face when out in this etiquette lacking society. I watch as the humans walk aimlessly through their lives; looking for some type of hope, with the blank expression of their life’s devastation, solemnly hanging off their face. Why not kill yourself, if you are that miserable living your life? The hurt and pain being expressed upon the others faces, is in fact brutal. The others do not have the capacity, nor the knowledge of how to let go. Their thoughts create their facial features, just as their thoughts create their now abrasive body energy field. If you are a sensitive, which means you are highly sensitive to energy, and the energy others project, you may in fact find it difficult at times to be out in society. You will find yourself going out into society more in the evenings, as opposed to during the day, that is if you are not at work. You also refuse to drive your car during rush hour, as you are constantly absorbing the energetic frustration and aggravation from the other drivers on the road. You have the complete capacity to be an isolationist, as you greatly enjoying your time alone. If you do in fact have friends, they are of a select few, as you only have the capacity to befriend those with whom you can maintain a deep connection with. If you are in a relationship, your partner must be completely on the same level as you are; otherwise, the relationship will never work out, as your partner will lack the fundamental capacity to understand you. Being a sensitive can be an isolating type of lifestyle, but this does not necessarily mean you have to live an unfulfilling isolated life. On your path through this life, you will meet others who are sensitives as well. You may or may not share a connection with one another, but that work is left between the two of you. I know you are not the type whom will utter the defaming words, “I’m bored” as neither you or I have the time or the patience with these types of others. I know you have very special interests, which no one else knows about other than you. It is good to pursue these interests, as this will probably be the most fulfillment you may encounter within this lifetime. You intuitively know you will not experience the type of fulfillment you receive through your interests, by being in any type of personal relationship. I have never experienced any type of fulfillment, within any type of personal relationship. This is my design, the way I am; not possessing the ability to conform on any level, as I am also unable to emotionally connect with those around me. I have worked through this character trait my entire life, as I fully accept this quality, which allows me to live within myself. I was born unto this world with the inner inclination of being solitary, as I have accepted this trait within its entirety. It is true: I have no friends, and two family members who somewhat care about me. This is pretty much all I need, as this is how I have lived throughout the duration of my life. I have never known anything different, as it is extraordinarily difficult for me to emotionally connect with other people, let alone being able to connect with another romantically.
Ben and Eva
An arrangement of sorts, at least this is what she thought she wanted. Eva never really knew what she wanted, let alone wanting to have an arrangement of sorts with Ben. When Ben heard his phone ring, he reluctantly picked up; knowing exactly why Eva was calling him. Ben is not the procrastinating type, nor does he put up with nonsense; especially nonsense of the romantic type. Their conversation went something like this:
Ben: Hi Eva! How are you doing tonight?
Eva: I’m okay. I think you know why I’m calling. As you know, I have been thinking a lot about my past. I have thought about what we discussed the other night, and I’m thinking you and I could work out some type of arrangement.
Ben and Eva, were dating for almost a month, when Ben decided he could not tolerate dealing with Eva, her family drama, and the bullshit from her past, she dragged along with her through life. Yet, Eva was not in such a hurry to dismiss Ben’s presence from her life. As an avid collector of men, Eva did not want to let Ben go so fast. She had other ideas, the type of ideas, which pertained to a physical nature.
Ben: What kind of arrangement did you have in mind Eva?
Eva: So, you have two options. Option A: you and I can just be fuck buddies; friends with benefits. You and I will not date, it’ll just be sex, and you cannot tell me anything about my life, and I will do the same with you. That’s it! Option B: we can date and be boyfriend and girlfriend in a committed relationship, except there is no sex. Since you and I had sex so soon, it made me crazy, and it made me act differently towards you. I know I pushed you away, and I am sorry for that. I told you we shouldn’t have had sex so soon, but you wouldn’t listen. We had sex, and now here we are.
Ben: In option A, where we are “fuck buddies”; are we allowed to see other people, or are we monogamous “fuck buddies”?
Eva: No, I do not like having multiple sex partners, only one at a time.
Ben: So, what happens in option B; when you start kissing me heavily, and you want to be intimate? Are you going to be able to control yourself?
Eva: Oh yes! Absolutely! I can handle myself!
Ben: Of course, you can. You know, we would not be going through all of this in the first place if you did not push me away.
Eva: I have been thinking a lot about myself, and my past. As you know, when I was young, I was molested, and when I was a teenager, I started dancing. I just think all of those men fucked my head up. I am not in a place right now where I can be in an intimate relationship with anyone.
Ben: I completely understand, and I absolutely agree with you.
Eva: Please don’t take what I am saying the wrong way. I miss you, and I miss you being inside of me. I miss your lips on mine, but I just can’t do an intimate relationship with you right now, or with anyone else for that matter.
Ben: I understand, and I do not expect to have one with you Eva. Your past is your past, just as my past is mine. As I am understanding and sympathetic to your past, and your situation; I need a woman who is soft, sweet, and kind. I cannot even think about being with a woman who is cold, combative, and condescending. I understand you have things you are working out within your life, and I think it is great you are facing them. As of right now, you and I should just be friends. Let’s not worry about options, intimacy with one another, or even a relationship.
Eva: What the fuck Ben? You’re just going to push me away like that? What the fuck?
Ben: Listen, you just acknowledged you are not in a place where you can be in a relationship. I suggested we simply remain friends, and see one another a couple times a week or so. You are not out of my life, as I am not out of yours. We have only known one another for a month, and the arguing and bickering, which goes back and forth between you and I, is strangely comparable to an old married couple. It gets to be overwhelming at times Eva. I am just not up for it anymore. And frankly, I am no longer interested in being in a relationship with you, or even having sex with you. If you would like to remain friends, we can absolutely do that. I am not interested in anything other than being friends with you.
Eva: (Long silence) Well, I guess that’s it then. There is nothing more to say. You already have your mind made up without discussing it with me first. So, fuck you Ben! Fuck you! (Hangs up on Ben).
One month ago, Ben walked into Eva’s realty office; interested in a property she had for lease, as this is how the two first met. Halfway through their deeply, electrifying two-hour conversation; Ben asked Eva, if she would care to leave her office to go have coffee with him. Eva enthusiastically accepted, and the two started dating afterwards. I find it interesting how two random strangers can meet one another, and immediately hit it off; only to be at each other’s throats, a month later. All of us at one point or another, have the potential to behave like delusional romantics. We all want to believe what we see in the movies and on TV, could actually happen to us. A real-life romantic comedy; falling deeply in love with someone you randomly meet, but this is simply a marketing ploy we have all bought into. There is no such thing as a Hollywood romance, or a Hallmark Channel love affair; only the blunt and honest reality of disillusionment, which ultimately reveals its ugliness through words, at night, and over the phone.
Heart’s Desire
One’s heart’s desire is a curious one at that. It is important not to make another, or to be another’s heart’s desire. Never make another the focus of your heart’s desire, as this is a sacred desire, which is not to be taken lightly. Never allow yourself to be the focus of another’s sacredness, as there will be an unwanted focus upon you and your body energy field. Love and affection are not the same as one’s heart’s desire, as these are two completely separate internal movements. Love and affection are of the heart, but it is of a different type of fluctuation than that of one’s inner desire. When love and affection of the romantic type exist within one’s heart, endorphins and hormones are released, which will produce and induce a euphoric state of blissfulness. When this euphoric state of blissfulness is experienced, one’s psyche will recognize this a love and affection. The main difference between love and affection and one’s heart’s desire, has to do with either an external or internal catalyst. Love and affection are of the external catalyst, while one’s heart’s desire is an internal catalyst. There will be times when these endorphins and hormones will try to fuck with your psychology. No, I do not believe you are grasping what I am communicating; I cannot overstate enough how these endorphins and hormones will completely fuck with your psychology, let alone your wellbeing in every way, on every level imaginable. They are merciless in their attack on your heart, psychology, and your body energy field. You will know when your psychology is being fucked with, as you will begin to start having conversations with yourself. You will know when your body energy field is being fucked with, as you will begin to deteriorate physically, and you will adapt to walking hunched over, as though you are carrying the weight of one thousand pounds upon your back.
G.G. Kalfas 