I was never good at any of it, nor could I understand how to do it. Even today, it is the one thing I have struggled with the most. For the life of me, I could never understand how to connect with people. It has been impossible for me to maintain a personal relationship with anyone during my lifetime. I have found it challenging to open myself up, as the return for doing so is unwanted judgement and critiques. What is the motivation to open up to another; when the openness would be met with judgement and criticism? I cannot see how there would be any type of motivation within it. The others, they are greatly disturbed by my dark expressions and modes. The others are disturbed to their core with my expressions; this is how I know I am doing something right. I greatly enjoy disturbing the others with my work; witnessing the repulsion and disgust, swim across their faces, as though they are grasping for air. This is how I know I have hit something deep within their psyche; something they have been hiding from the world and themselves for years. Their judgements and criticisms are always the same; utilizing basic adjectives such as: off, strange, awkward, and my favorite, which I hear the most: weird. The majority of the others in society are base and mundane to begin with, let alone possessing the capacity to comprehend myself or my expressions. I like it better this way, it allows me the ability to quietly exploit their feeble insecurities; one insecurity at a time, through my expressions and modes.
Tag: understanding
Level of Ascension
The truths within you, will bear witness to the quality of the character contained within your consciousness. One can only ascend spiritually to the heights of his internal character, which is contained within his consciousness. The infernal traditions contained within one’s consciousness, will only be revealed, dependent upon the level of ascension one’s character has elevated to. Conversely, if one is of low character, and low moral and spiritual growth, the infernal traditions contained within, will more than likely never be revealed to his consciousness. The occult traditions are very specific, of who they share themselves with, as this is how the occult traditions maintain their longevity. There is a deep understanding within consciousness itself, as it only has the capacity to absorb energies, frequencies, and knowledge, in which it has the ability to harmonize with. If energies, frequencies, and knowledge are presented to one’s consciousness, which it does not have the capacity to harmonize with, the consciousness in question, will not have the capacity to understand, nor absorb what is being presented to it. This is where the sayings, “You are not on my level.” or, “We are not on the same level.” actually comes from. This is in reference to the level of ascension one’s consciousness has attained within their life. When one possesses an elevated character, one will more than likely possess an elevated consciousness.
Winter’s Breath
Contained within the blowing breeze, the crisp chill of winter’s breath, breathing through the trees, feeling the Earth’s bodily dirt sift itself through my fingers; this is my eternal home. Although, I am well aware that one day, I will not be standing upon the Earth, as I will find myself lying within its womb. Back from which I came. From life to death, from death to life; another life lived, another death relived. I am still the same from one life to the next. Nothing can change my nature, as I possess the same consciousness from one life to the next. Only the circumstances change, as the air I breathe and my paradigms remain the same. There is nothing new contained within the Sun of a lost and dying age. There is nothing new contained within my thoughts of an undying anger and rage. The confusion is not real, as it is a mechanism designed to sterilize the fertilized womb. This is where regret, chastity, and morality go to slumber in the womb of their tomb. The blowing breeze still calls upon me. I can feel its chilling calls reverberate within my chest cavity. It is the mother’s voice, calling her children home. It is that specific nurturing feeling you know exists within your mind, but have yet to experience it within your heart. Within each incarnation, I search throughout the life I am currently inhabiting, in order to fill this illusive nurturing within my heart. I specifically reincarnate myself and travel from rebirth to rebirth, just to fill the voided hole, which lives deep within my blackened heart. After all of my travels through my incarnations, I am just now beginning to learn how to live with this void within my heart. It is not as bad as you might think it to be, as it has been Æons, since I have not felt pain within my heart. I have now fully come to the understanding in which the void I felt within my heart, no longer requires to be filled from any type of external nurturing. I always thought I needed some type of external fulfilment, but now I have come to the complete understanding, in which I am my own fulfilment, as I require nothing from outside of myself. Within each incarnation into this physical material realm, I am able to forge deeper into my consciousness; communing deeper into my consciousness’s internal nature.
G.G. Kalfas 