The others are beginning to turn on one another. Their teeth are sharp, but their tongues are sharper. Yet, when one is face to face with one of these others; their actions are as dull as their personalities. Pure defectiveness. Pure waste of human potential. These others try to project strength with their sharpened language. Yet, they know they are the weakest wrung upon the ladder within the pecking order. This is why they are loud; thinking they can project strength. Conversely, they are only projecting their special blend of weaknesses. The others only turn on one another when there is a sense of lack within their atmosphere. When the others get priced out of being able to afford to survive, this is when they become mean, territorial, violent, and psychotic. Protect yourself with and by any means necessary.
Tag: mental health
Inner Sight
Build yourself up or down; either way you will be making progress. You cannot measure progress through success or failure, as progress is a subjective manifestation within one’s internal maturity. You know, none of it really matters anymore. So, why not let go of it all, and simply allow life to unfold upon you? You can do that, but you can also keep your sanity in a safe place, by keeping it protected. Who am I kidding? You’re right; there is no safe hiding place, where you could keep anything protected, let alone your precious sanity. It’s another one of life’s tricks; a game life will play with you whenever it gets a chance to have fun with your psychology. I know this entry might not make any sense to you at this current point in time. The next time you are having a complete mental breakdown, simply re-read this entry; then it will make complete sense to you. These times do not come around too often, but when they do, they can be somewhat rigorous and deflating. What you will lack in strength, you will compensate with depression, anxiety, and self-loathing. These three mental states can be the best motivators you may ever come across. At first, they will not seem to be such great motivators. It is only when you fully accept and comprehend yourself in an authentic and demeaning way; you will begin to see yourself in the light you were born into. Everyone is born into a specific light radiance. Some are born into a bright glowing radiance, which will blind those around them. For you and I; we were born into a light, which casts a radiance within the darkness of the purest form. This is only for you and I to witness. The others do not and cannot comprehend the capacity which is needed to be contained within them, in order to understand you and I. This is exactly how you and I need life to be. The undeserving lemmings do not deserve to witness the raw beauty, which is contained within our hearts and thoughts. You and I are the only ones who can recognize and see within one another. Our inner sight can be penetrative and devouring. This is perhaps the sole reasoning as to why you and I intimidate the others to the extent we do. They have never had the capacity to understand either one of us, and now you and I know they never will.
One’s Inner Harmony
I find it interesting how another will personalize the circumstances and situations within external world, and also personalize the circumstances and situations, which may be occurring within another’s life. When another is undergoing some type of life transition, it is a good idea to observe, but to never get involved. When one personalizes the experiences of another, this denotes a self-centeredness and a self-important closedminded paradigm. Another’s life experience has nothing to do with you. If it did, you would more than likely be experiencing the same circumstances. It is important to release this unhealthy type of self-centered thought process from your body energy field. By personalizing another’s circumstance and experience, you are in actuality drawing that specific type of energy and frequency upon you and your body energy field. The mind is a mental frequency, which can change its vibrational pattern and frequency at any given moment; with or without your permission. Think of your body energy field as a protective armor; keep that in which you do not want to entering it out, and allowing that in which you are in harmony with to absorb onto you. One’s inner harmony is achieved when the frequencies and vibrations within one’s body energy field are working in alignment with one another.
Ben and Eva
An arrangement of sorts, at least this is what she thought she wanted. Eva never really knew what she wanted, let alone wanting to have an arrangement of sorts with Ben. When Ben heard his phone ring, he reluctantly picked up; knowing exactly why Eva was calling him. Ben is not the procrastinating type, nor does he put up with nonsense; especially nonsense of the romantic type. Their conversation went something like this:
Ben: Hi Eva! How are you doing tonight?
Eva: I’m okay. I think you know why I’m calling. As you know, I have been thinking a lot about my past. I have thought about what we discussed the other night, and I’m thinking you and I could work out some type of arrangement.
Ben and Eva, were dating for almost a month, when Ben decided he could not tolerate dealing with Eva, her family drama, and the bullshit from her past, she dragged along with her through life. Yet, Eva was not in such a hurry to dismiss Ben’s presence from her life. As an avid collector of men, Eva did not want to let Ben go so fast. She had other ideas, the type of ideas, which pertained to a physical nature.
Ben: What kind of arrangement did you have in mind Eva?
Eva: So, you have two options. Option A: you and I can just be fuck buddies; friends with benefits. You and I will not date, it’ll just be sex, and you cannot tell me anything about my life, and I will do the same with you. That’s it! Option B: we can date and be boyfriend and girlfriend in a committed relationship, except there is no sex. Since you and I had sex so soon, it made me crazy, and it made me act differently towards you. I know I pushed you away, and I am sorry for that. I told you we shouldn’t have had sex so soon, but you wouldn’t listen. We had sex, and now here we are.
Ben: In option A, where we are “fuck buddies”; are we allowed to see other people, or are we monogamous “fuck buddies”?
Eva: No, I do not like having multiple sex partners, only one at a time.
Ben: So, what happens in option B; when you start kissing me heavily, and you want to be intimate? Are you going to be able to control yourself?
Eva: Oh yes! Absolutely! I can handle myself!
Ben: Of course, you can. You know, we would not be going through all of this in the first place if you did not push me away.
Eva: I have been thinking a lot about myself, and my past. As you know, when I was young, I was molested, and when I was a teenager, I started dancing. I just think all of those men fucked my head up. I am not in a place right now where I can be in an intimate relationship with anyone.
Ben: I completely understand, and I absolutely agree with you.
Eva: Please don’t take what I am saying the wrong way. I miss you, and I miss you being inside of me. I miss your lips on mine, but I just can’t do an intimate relationship with you right now, or with anyone else for that matter.
Ben: I understand, and I do not expect to have one with you Eva. Your past is your past, just as my past is mine. As I am understanding and sympathetic to your past, and your situation; I need a woman who is soft, sweet, and kind. I cannot even think about being with a woman who is cold, combative, and condescending. I understand you have things you are working out within your life, and I think it is great you are facing them. As of right now, you and I should just be friends. Let’s not worry about options, intimacy with one another, or even a relationship.
Eva: What the fuck Ben? You’re just going to push me away like that? What the fuck?
Ben: Listen, you just acknowledged you are not in a place where you can be in a relationship. I suggested we simply remain friends, and see one another a couple times a week or so. You are not out of my life, as I am not out of yours. We have only known one another for a month, and the arguing and bickering, which goes back and forth between you and I, is strangely comparable to an old married couple. It gets to be overwhelming at times Eva. I am just not up for it anymore. And frankly, I am no longer interested in being in a relationship with you, or even having sex with you. If you would like to remain friends, we can absolutely do that. I am not interested in anything other than being friends with you.
Eva: (Long silence) Well, I guess that’s it then. There is nothing more to say. You already have your mind made up without discussing it with me first. So, fuck you Ben! Fuck you! (Hangs up on Ben).
One month ago, Ben walked into Eva’s realty office; interested in a property she had for lease, as this is how the two first met. Halfway through their deeply, electrifying two-hour conversation; Ben asked Eva, if she would care to leave her office to go have coffee with him. Eva enthusiastically accepted, and the two started dating afterwards. I find it interesting how two random strangers can meet one another, and immediately hit it off; only to be at each other’s throats, a month later. All of us at one point or another, have the potential to behave like delusional romantics. We all want to believe what we see in the movies and on TV, could actually happen to us. A real-life romantic comedy; falling deeply in love with someone you randomly meet, but this is simply a marketing ploy we have all bought into. There is no such thing as a Hollywood romance, or a Hallmark Channel love affair; only the blunt and honest reality of disillusionment, which ultimately reveals its ugliness through words, at night, and over the phone.
I Know You Do
It is these hollow mornings that will definitely eat you alive. In one solid bite. In one solid swallow. Those softly creeping footsteps you keep hearing coming from behind you, those footsteps are the sound of uncertainty coming to pay you a visit. An old friend who would like to remind you of your life and of your past. As though you do not have enough remnants of your past haunting you on a daily basis, uncertainty wants to make sure you absorb it fully, wholly, and completely. All of it. Every tiny morsel. Family and friends are also laughing at you. They never could understand your thought process, let alone anything which makes you who you are. The voices are grading and intruding upon one’s consciousness; violating the serenity wanting to bloom from within. No one could ever understand me, but I know you do. At least you act as though you do.
Some Type of Reasoning
If you feel as though you keep hitting a brick wall in life, then there must be some type of reasoning existing behind the wall. Sometimes circumstances exist to protect you, not to hinder your progress moving forward in life. Where does this protection come from? Perhaps a holy guardian angel, also known as an inner daemon? There is no exact threshold in which this knowing can fully be attained. Sometimes there will exist periods within one’s life, which simply needs to be lived through.
G.G. Kalfas 