I have been trying to get it back; everything I lost, threw away, gave away, or mishandled. I have been trying to get it back; all of it, every single piece of it. The physical items, the memories, the emotions, that internal excitement I was consumed within, during the discovery of something new. I no longer experience newness, or any type of excitement whatsoever, as this is part of the lifecycle. Those intangible clouds you want to hold on to, as one day you come to the realization they will never exist as a material tangibility. They were once within my hands, no longer a substance which can be held within the palms, but only contained within the thoughts of the mind. These intangibles are all around me; swimming deeply within my heart. It is not; you do not know what you have until it is gone. It is more of; you did not know the uniqueness of who you were, as you were getting rid of it. Once a part of yourself leaves, you will never get it back; it is forever gone. The rigidity in which you ceased caring, is the same rigidity you will constantly feel within your heart, when these incorporeal memories and ideologies, come flooding back from within. Look upon yourself, and understand for what purpose were these things expelled from your life. You made a conscious effort, and took action to release these things from your life. There was a definite reasoning for it at the time, a reasoning which compelled you to take extreme action to release. There is no point in looking back, acting back, seeking back, or trying to remember any of it. They are now gone; allow them to be free, and to live on their own. Transitions come and go, as transitions will continue to slide themselves through you for the rest of your life. Allow the rest of your life to be natural, honest, delicate, and forthcoming. Do not hinder your growth by swimming in the memories of a past life, as this self-defeating action will only lead you to the land of nowhere. Nowhere is the abyss of nonexistence. Nowhere is the land of dead words, as it is also the residence of where the actions of the others live. This is where the heart lives in confinement; chained within the yesterdays, whys, and all of the should haves. Nowhere is where all the blood of every broken word dries up; leaving the mouth scabbed, crusty, and vengeful. Nowhere is when it happened; not enough knowledge to know any better, as better could not have existed within one’s self. Leave wanting it all back alone; allow life to naturally come back to you. It will eventually all come back, once you are ready for it to do so.
Tag: life
Making Their Way Towards You
When I sit alone, watching the others; this is when I can easily see the insecurities they possess on a daily basis. You can always see the pain within another’s heart, just by the way they hold themselves when they are walking. Sometimes, you can actually see this weight upon their chest, and within their heart, as their body is tilted forward when they walk. This can also be the same for another, who has the weight of their past upon their back; walking hunched over, as though this weight will eventually cause their body to collapse. Both the pain in one’s heart, and the weight of one’s past upon their back, will usually give the same appearance in sight. Upon closer inspection, you will be able to tell the difference between the two. No one person is the same as another; yet the many pains one experiences, has a familiar similarity to another. There are also the others, who walk without bending their knees; utilizing their hip joints to move forward throughout their lives. You can very easily see them from far away, heavily walking; shuffling from side to side, making their way towards you. These are the ones who are trying to dodge something within their lives. What is it exactly are they trying to dodge? The time it takes to ask that question, is how long my curiosity lasts. I do not care much for the others; I never have, and I know I never will. But I like to watch the others at times, it is as though I am observing a wild animal within its natural habitat. This is what the others are to me, what they have always been, and what they inevitably will remain: fucking disgusting animals in the wild. An animal can serve many different purposes: recreational use, bait, amusement, companionship, and also for laborious work. All animals which serve any one of these purposes, must become domesticated. The domestication of any animal requires one very specific ingredient, and that specific ingredient is training. An animal must become trained within the specific purpose they will be used for. Dependent upon the animal in question, and the purpose it will serve; will denote the type of training the animal will eventually receive. This type of training is the same for the human animals as well. No matter what walk of life you are from, or the socioeconomic tree you have branched away from; you have been trained in some form or another, only to serve a purpose you did not know you were serving. When I sit alone, watching the others; this is when I can see the insecurities they possess on a daily basis. Most of these animals are fucking bottom feeders; sinking themselves down, far below and beneath the lowest of the common denominators. These mouth breathers are killing the ecosystem from the inside out, just as they were trained to do, by the hand-held brainwashing machine they do not need, but will never be able to live without. I watch as these useless others, crawl and slither away on their potbellied stomachs. I can see through their disguises, when they wear specific attire. After being around, and witnessing the animals for an extended period of time, I can now see why Francis Galton, developed eugenics. Most humans are fucking animals; unknowingly being trained on a daily basis, without ever realizing it. Now go fucking kill yourself.
Truth Revealed
The true obedience within any discipline; this is the true and absolute commitment within a specific undertaking at hand. Do you have this understanding within your life? Bury all of your doubts within the soil of the Earth’s healing heart; nourishing you back to health, back to who you were, long before you became fractured within your life. The Earth can heal you, even though you do not own the ability to heal yourself. Trust in her, feel within her nature; becoming the piety within this bleak, unforsaken, turmoiled society, which created you and your mindset. The truth will arise from within, and when it does, seek yourself within your truth, and conquer the falsities within your body energy field. You will then see your internal and external worlds more clearly, and not possess any hesitation within your soul’s commitment. Make no mistake, truth is not freedom; truth is another form of bondage. Knowing the truth has never set anyone free from within themselves, as it has only caused more affliction within one’s own volition. Yet, this revealed truth, is the greatest awakening within the desired commitments of man, and the deeds he projects onto the world. Through truth, these projected commitments and deeds, are seen for what they are: the transcendence of fear into consciousness realized. Societal normalcy will no longer exist, once these truths are fully acted upon. This is when the energies and the spirits, come into and through our convictions; bringing forth the needed guidance and assistance, in order to manipulate and manifest through the grit and mundanity of the tribal external world. No more secrets will remain hidden, as you have seen the revelations opened before you, with your own eyes. From this point forth, you will never again see life the same light. Your paradigm will shift from the external, to the Universal. You can hear the Universal song, you can see the Universal vision, just as you have known the Universal thought, which penetrates deeply into your psyche.
Part 3
There is a lot of nonsense and bullshit contained within it. But, I know society has always been that way. I know, it is important to adapt, but how does one adapt to a world, which no longer makes sense to them?
Adaptation, is a mental construct within one’s perception of how things are, how things should be, and how things no longer are. When in actuality, one must understand how the external world (society) is 100% nonsensical bullshit! You have to create your own life, your own reality, simply because the external world will never make sense to anyone. If you adapt to a crazy nonsensical world, that in turn will make you crazy and nonsensical. Are you understanding what I am telling you?
I think so.
I’m telling you that you have to transcend society and the nonsensical bullshit contained within it, and create your own life. From this point forth, society is going to continue to change. In 5 years from now, you will not recognize the world as it is today. This is why you must find yourself internally, not externally. The New Order of life has arrived, and it may or may not contain a place for you within it. This is in actuality irrelevant, as it should be your main goal, your main focus, to create your own place within the world.
I know this, as this is why I left town, in order to isolate myself within nature’s womb. I needed to clear my thoughts, and my soul. It can be challenging at times to move forward within life, when there is a constant feeling of impending doom contained within the mind, heart, and soul. It is the most curious feeling to feel lost within life, looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.
You know, that light one will see at the end of a tunnel, is usually a train headed straight for them.
Yes, I know! I have been run over by that locomotive many times! Though, I keep moving forward, as I do not allow these defeats to keep me down.
Perhaps you are being railroaded for a specific reason.
What do you mean?
Perhaps something greater than yourself, is guiding you into a direction you would not head towards on your own, as the experiences you are currently going through, are directing you towards where you are supposed to be.
(No words, just a dead stare)
What I am telling you is: THE UNIVERSE WILL DO FOR YOU WHAT YOU CANNOT DO FOR YOURSELF.
Part 2
Why would you think I do not have the right mirror?
Well, if you are having issues seeing yourself, then perhaps you are seeing something, which may or may not exist.
What the hell does that even mean?
It means that you are seeing something within yourself, which you are not seeing in the right light, or may not be there at all. Sometimes, one’s life experiences can alter their reality; allowing one’s paradigm to completely shift into a way of thinking, which may, or in your case, may not be conducive to living a healthy life.
So, you think my life experiences have shifted my paradigm?
Absolutely! You are a completely different person than you were a year ago, let alone a month ago. Everything about you has changed to the point that I no longer recognize my friend. Do you even know who you are now?
I am still the same person I was, just a different variation of that person. Living life has the capacity to fundamentally fuck you up! Through my eyes, the way one reacts and handles their life experiences, either allows one to grow or to shrink. Consequently, one’s life experiences may actually lead them to need a shrink.
At least I know your nauseatingly sarcastic sense of humor is the same.
I understand what you are saying to me, but I need you to know that I have recognized the changes within me, in which you are referring to. I know I have changed over the past three years. Sometime I an not sure if this change is for the better or worse. I know my paradigm has shifted, as my outlook on life has completely changed. I am evolving into a new way of life, a new way of living, which I was not prepared for. I know that life is different now, but so is society and the world for that matter.
Society and the world is always going to change on you, whether you like it or not. One either needs to adapt to this change, or create a life for themselves, which is not dependent upon society and the nonsensical bullshit contained within it.
Directly into Your Eyes
I have spent the night here so many times, I should probably leave a toothbrush and some toothpaste. Maybe I should also leave some clothes to wear for the next day. The intentions change, but that feeling I get within the pit of my stomach never does. I should not be here, yet I always find myself returning back to this strange place, along with that nauseous feeling within the pit of my stomach. There was one intention, whom I had a tremendous affection for, but she could not get right with herself. You know the type; thinking about thinking, then thinking some more about thinking. What a self-depriving and tedious task, these types must live through; loving and craving every attention seeking moment within it. We really should not give these types of sheeple a hard time, as their gods have already punished them, by giving them the life they are currently living. Or, they have already punished themselves, by choosing the life they are currently living. I am sure you are wondering what or where this place is, I am referring to. Well, it is not an actual physical location, as much as it is a place hidden within one’s inner self. It is a dark place within your chest cavity. A dark place where all of your rejected intentions, permanently go to hibernate for the rest of your life. I have experienced many rejected intentions, too many to remember. I used to take these types of intentions personal, as these days I no longer take anything personal. Sometimes, it can be challenging, when there is an intention, which wants nothing to do with you. It will look directly into your eyes, and this intention will look past you, as though you do not exist. This intention wants nothing to do with you. I have been here before many times. I sometimes think it is going to be different, but it never is. I would like to know the truth hiding within one’s intentions, as I am seeking this truth hidden within mine. This is one of the reasons, as to why I live within my own atmosphere. I rarely come out of it, and I rarely allow anyone to come in to disturb me. Comfort of the heart, the mind, and the soul, are of the utmost importance. This can be especially true, when one finds comfort within their own heart. The heart is a fragile love, a love which needs to be nurtured and cared for. It cannot be abused, nor should it ever be ignored. Now, this is when the true magic happens; giving your heart to an affection of yours, and it is ignored. This is how you know the true intentions of your offered affection. Whatever the results may be, it is important to accept them, and to thoroughly move on with your life. Look at your life as a sensitivity experiment; when each intention passes, the next intention will be easier to withstand. Building up your tolerance, is the best exercise for the heart, mind, and soul. If you are living within this vibration, you will experience many intentions throughout your lifetime. It is important to keep in mind, that it is not the intention you have to pay attention to, as it is the way you react to the intentions you are presented with. In this life, one can only control the reaction to an experience, not the actual experience itself.
G.G. Kalfas 