Tag: gg kalfas

The Truth?

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There is one aspect, which does in fact have the capacity to alter one’s internal nature, and this aspect is survival. Given the circumstances and the events which may arise within one’s life, in order for them to enter into survival mode; there is no type of measurement available, in which to understand the impact this may have upon their consciousness, and their inner nature contained within their heart’s desire. When considering the short-term and long-term ramifications of one entering into survival mode for an extended period of time, will definitely leave one with a manipulated and deformed consciousness and inner nature. Is it at all possible for one to return to their previous way of living life, prior to their consciousness and inner nature becoming manipulated and deformed? I doubt it very much. I very much doubt anyone who experiences any type of external manipulation and deformity within their consciousness and inner nature, by being induced into survival mode by any type of external imposition, would ever have a chance of living the same type of life as they did prior to entering survival mode.

There are many truths hidden within one’s consciousness and inner nature, which will be revealed onto them, once they have entered into the sublevels, which will arise when one feels extreme impositions from the external world. It is the type of external imposition, which will make the lining on the inside of one’s stomach want to crawl away. Each truth is unique within each individual, as there are no two truths which will ever be the same. The sublevels, these are the cracks and crevasses in between one’s consciousness and inner nature, which if not careful, one may fall in and become stuck within their own creation of what they consider Hell to be. I have witnessed it so many times with the others, as I myself have experienced this type of alternate reality. These sublevels, are in fact the worst type of experience one could ever endure mentally and/or emotionally within their consciousness and inner nature. It can be extraordinarily difficult returning to yourself, when coming back from being stuck within the many numerous sublevels within your consciousness and inner nature. This experience will leave a permanent scar, a permanent gash upon your soul, and the Æons, which will contain the rest of your incarnations until eternity. If one comes to find they are in possession of an irrational phobia, which makes absolutely no sense to them; it is more than likely their soul has been scared within a previous incarnation, which has in fact created the irrational phobia(s) one is experiencing within this life. One’s lifetime is simply not long enough for one to completely comprehend themselves, or their consciousness and inner nature for that matter. It will take an adept many lifetimes, to grasp the depth contained within their consciousness and inner nature. For one to fully comprehend and understand their consciousness and inner nature within one lifetime, is not realistic. Yes, one may in fact possess a great understanding within the light and darkness contained within themselves, their consciousness, and inner nature; although, to conquer one’s self within one lifecycle is not exactly how one’s lifecycle works.

The truth? There is not an absolute truth, which will generically fit everyone’s life paradigm, as this simply does not exist, nor is it realistic. There are many universal truths, which exist deep within one’s consciousness, as these conscious truths are the same for each conscious experience contained within the Infernal Consciousness. The way one may experience their life is through the paradigms of their consciousness and their inner nature. Yet, there are other factors, which will be induced upon one’s consciousness and inner nature by the external world. These factors, are the unforeseen variables one may or may not experience within the external realm. One’s consciousness and inner nature will experience many adaptations within their lifecycle, as there are too many factors and variables at play, which might affect their way of life. It is important for the individual to care and be responsible for their consciousness and inner nature within this lifetime, as this is all you will have, in order to get you through life.

Ben and Eva

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An arrangement of sorts, at least this is what she thought she wanted. Eva never really knew what she wanted, let alone wanting to have an arrangement of sorts with Ben. When Ben heard his phone ring, he reluctantly picked up; knowing exactly why Eva was calling him. Ben is not the procrastinating type, nor does he put up with nonsense; especially nonsense of the romantic type. Their conversation went something like this:

Ben: Hi Eva! How are you doing tonight?

Eva: I’m okay. I think you know why I’m calling. As you know, I have been thinking a lot about my past. I have thought about what we discussed the other night, and I’m thinking you and I could work out some type of arrangement.

Ben and Eva, were dating for almost a month, when Ben decided he could not tolerate dealing with Eva, her family drama, and the bullshit from her past, she dragged along with her through life. Yet, Eva was not in such a hurry to dismiss Ben’s presence from her life. As an avid collector of men, Eva did not want to let Ben go so fast. She had other ideas, the type of ideas, which pertained to a physical nature.

Ben: What kind of arrangement did you have in mind Eva?

Eva: So, you have two options. Option A: you and I can just be fuck buddies; friends with benefits. You and I will not date, it’ll just be sex, and you cannot tell me anything about my life, and I will do the same with you. That’s it! Option B: we can date and be boyfriend and girlfriend in a committed relationship, except there is no sex. Since you and I had sex so soon, it made me crazy, and it made me act differently towards you. I know I pushed you away, and I am sorry for that. I told you we shouldn’t have had sex so soon, but you wouldn’t listen. We had sex, and now here we are.

Ben: In option A, where we are “fuck buddies”; are we allowed to see other people, or are we monogamous “fuck buddies”?

Eva: No, I do not like having multiple sex partners, only one at a time.

Ben: So, what happens in option B; when you start kissing me heavily, and you want to be intimate? Are you going to be able to control yourself?

Eva: Oh yes! Absolutely! I can handle myself!

Ben: Of course, you can. You know, we would not be going through all of this in the first place if you did not push me away.

Eva: I have been thinking a lot about myself, and my past. As you know, when I was young, I was molested, and when I was a teenager, I started dancing. I just think all of those men fucked my head up. I am not in a place right now where I can be in an intimate relationship with anyone.

Ben: I completely understand, and I absolutely agree with you.

Eva: Please don’t take what I am saying the wrong way. I miss you, and I miss you being inside of me. I miss your lips on mine, but I just can’t do an intimate relationship with you right now, or with anyone else for that matter.

Ben: I understand, and I do not expect to have one with you Eva. Your past is your past, just as my past is mine. As I am understanding and sympathetic to your past, and your situation; I need a woman who is soft, sweet, and kind. I cannot even think about being with a woman who is cold, combative, and condescending. I understand you have things you are working out within your life, and I think it is great you are facing them. As of right now, you and I should just be friends. Let’s not worry about options, intimacy with one another, or even a relationship.

Eva: What the fuck Ben? You’re just going to push me away like that? What the fuck?

Ben: Listen, you just acknowledged you are not in a place where you can be in a relationship. I suggested we simply remain friends, and see one another a couple times a week or so. You are not out of my life, as I am not out of yours. We have only known one another for a month, and the arguing and bickering, which goes back and forth between you and I, is strangely comparable to an old married couple. It gets to be overwhelming at times Eva. I am just not up for it anymore. And frankly, I am no longer interested in being in a relationship with you, or even having sex with you. If you would like to remain friends, we can absolutely do that. I am not interested in anything other than being friends with you.

Eva: (Long silence) Well, I guess that’s it then. There is nothing more to say. You already have your mind made up without discussing it with me first. So, fuck you Ben! Fuck you! (Hangs up on Ben).

One month ago, Ben walked into Eva’s realty office; interested in a property she had for lease, as this is how the two first met. Halfway through their deeply, electrifying two-hour conversation; Ben asked Eva, if she would care to leave her office to go have coffee with him. Eva enthusiastically accepted, and the two started dating afterwards. I find it interesting how two random strangers can meet one another, and immediately hit it off; only to be at each other’s throats, a month later. All of us at one point or another, have the potential to behave like delusional romantics. We all want to believe what we see in the movies and on TV, could actually happen to us. A real-life romantic comedy; falling deeply in love with someone you randomly meet, but this is simply a marketing ploy we have all bought into. There is no such thing as a Hollywood romance, or a Hallmark Channel love affair; only the blunt and honest reality of disillusionment, which ultimately reveals its ugliness through words, at night, and over the phone.

A Fresh New Start

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Almost home. Where does my heart belong exactly? Here? There? Somewhere other than here? No, my heart belongs to me; it belongs right here within me. I gave my heart away too many times; thinking each time was going to be different, as though it was going to be a fresh new start. It was always the same as it was previously. The desire for love has faded away, at least until the next time it comes to visit me. Maybe then, it will be different than it was prior.

The Breathing Movement of Consciousness

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The vital essence contained within any and all types of life is the existence of consciousness. Consciousness, is the living and pulsating energetic frequencies of vibrations, which keeps life alive by movement. Everything which exists within this realm of what we consider reality, is a living breathing movement of consciousness. Any physical object which exists here within the material realm, vibrates at a specific frequency, which allow the object to exist as the material for in which it does. A subtle change in frequency, will in fact change the object’s material form. This is where the idea and the alchemical practice of transmutation stems from, as any material object can transmute into a different physical form, given the correct circumstances. The fundamental knowing of how to transmute matter within the material realm, is contained within the inner knowledge of transmuting one’s own consciousness from within, to without; from internal to external. Without this knowledge, any type of internal working is futile. The main source for this internal working to occur is clarity. One’s mind must be clear of all distractions, emotions, and of the partial wants and needs. Within this clarity, a knowing must be maintained in order to facilitate the inner workings. A belief is subject to distractions, emotions, and the partial wants and needs, while purpose within the transmutation is contained within the absolute knowing of what will be birthed into fruition. This is the core element for a transmutation to occur. It is of the greatest importance to keep and maintain secrecy of your internal and external workings. Society is filled with nonbelievers and naysayers, who want nothing more than to see your failure of any workings you will ever be involved with. This is one of the greatest deceptions one’s consciousness will know during a human’s life experience. It is important to know these facts, prior to becoming involved within any circumstance. In order to have an advantage over the others around you, it is important to know the lies and deceptions within another’s mirror; the same mirror they deviously use in order to project their negative energy from.

By My Side

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Tonight I will sleep with my daemons by my side. Within my dark heart is where they will usually go to hide. There is absolutely nothing left of what was once me. My daemons are curious in the way of how they will never leave me be. There is too much insight for me to see from within. There is not enough clarity for me to know where to begin. It really no longer matters. I find it interesting how most things in life soils, rots, or sours. Can you hear them? Those screams are coming from the inner summonings of my divine nature. My inner summoning’s screams are the hymns of my infernal overture. There are not many things which life left by my side. I thought you would be one of them but I could not decide. Your memories still remain trapped within. It seems I have wasted my life away after yours as I have lived within the ultimate sin. This is why my daemons sleep with me by my side. This is why my life has become a place in which only I can hide. My daemons keep me company just as they keep me safe from my inner burn. Under my flesh the memories of you continue to live within me and it is you for which I yearn.