Nestled deeply underneath the crusted layers. Tightly woven in between the soft tissue. Covering the organism’s exoskeleton. Devouring itself from the inside out. Thoroughly maintaining equilibrium. Maintaining true authenticity. It keeps me safe at night. Warm. Protected. Secure. Hiding away from the world. Keeping my authenticity safely hidden. My secret endeavor. My secret life’s work. I am invisible. No one can find me. No one will ever be able to find me. Hiding in plain sight. I need to hide myself more often. I desperately need to protect myself away from those thoughts. All I want is to be left alone and loved at the same time. I want to hide myself away and be seen all at the same time. I am fucked up in this curious way. I will tightly bind and nestle myself into my own womb. My secret chrysalis. I will transform into what I was meant to be. Strong. The urge to KILL burdens my shoulders. If I was given the opportunity to get away with it. There would be no hesitation. NONE. This is why I hide myself away. I know I would thoroughly enjoy it. I would cum all over myself. This is why I hide myself away from the world. I enjoy the smell of necrosis. How many people do you know who could admit that? I hide myself in the deepest and darkest corners of my room. I want to shrink myself, so I can hide more efficiently. Delicately. Compartmentalized efficiency. Necrotic compartmentalized efficiency disorder. I want to be invisible to myself. I will never have to see myself ever again. Each time I look into the mirror I look different. Slightly unrecognizable. I am afraid one day a stranger will appear in front of me. I will be the stranger I see in the mirror. A pleasant surprise. A chance to meet new people. A chance to meet myself. Another part of me. The real me. A hidden part of me. Or simply another delusion contained within me. Is there a difference? I am the difference. The difference between the surface and the subterranean. All of the internal personalities I have become acquainted with during the time I have spent here. Friends for life. Best friends forever. Long lost friends. A passionate embrace within the nothingness. A varied necrotic compartmentalized deficiency disorder. I will keep me safe and protected from myself, and from this necrotic world I currently inhabit. The defiled world I seem to thrive in. I am my only hope. I hope I can count on myself. I better make myself count. This is the only hope I have for any type of mental peace. Who am I kidding? You?
Tag: consciousness
Your Inner Knowing
There is an inner knowing, which is lurking quietly inside of you. This inner knowing is so quiet, one may never know of its existence. If you pay close attention to your external environment, you can see your inner knowing living within everything and everyone around you. I find it interesting, as to how one is constantly surrounded by their inner knowing. It can be a heavy and weighted bombardment of one’s life’s decisions and choices, literally staring back at them. How does this make you feel? How is it you have sought the golden nectar of life’s elixir, yet you cannot recognize yourself within life’s mirror? The tricks one’s mind and ego plays upon one’s consciousness, without a doubt knows no bounds. This is how a psychosis is birthed within the eyes and mind of the beholder. If you allow the confusion and turmoil of the external world to breed itself into your consciousness, then you have allowed yourself to surrender your free will within life’s external atrocities. This is not your life’s purpose, nor is it the reason you were birthed upon this realm. Be your inner strength, and move forward within your internal and external life; your very life might just depend upon it. The only salvation within this realm, is the salvation of your inner knowing.
Internal Consciousness
To obtain purity within one’s essence, requires the fundamental understanding of being true to who and how you are within your internal nature. The essence contained within your internal being, is an internal representation of one’s external manifestations. The essence of who and what one is, could also be considered as the quality of one’s character. There are those who within their essence, possess a high quality of character; conversely, there are others who possess a substantially low quality of character. Only those who possess a high quality of character, will achieve ascension within their internal consciousness. One’s essence, is detrimental to their internal ascension. If one lives their life within the realms of theft, dishonesty, and coercion; they will maintain a definite lowered vibrational frequency within their essence, as they will not possess the internal vibrational frequencies needed, in order to ascend within their internal consciousness. For one to possess a substantially low quality of character within their internal essence, will leave one to live a defilingly base existence. It is important to maintain one’s distance, when coming into contact with these types of lowered essence others, who exist with the external realm. Purity exists within every level of one’s internal being. Purity is the core divination within one’s internal essence, as it will focus one’s attention upon specific sights within their life. One’s internal and external paradigm, is seen through the lenses of one’s internal consciousness, and the purity of one’s internal essence.
Random Old Men
I know the light never wanted me here. When I go outside to lurk within the societal realm, I will usually spot an old man, quietly sitting by himself. This old man is distant from the others sitting around him, as though he wants nothing to do with them. With the intensity of his thoughts glowing within his eyes; he looks into the distance of time and space. This is the distance contained within the past, or the uncertainty contained within the near future. Smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee alone, can be a relaxing moment within one’s life. This can also reveal the emptiness, which has been acquired over many decades from being alone within one’s life. When I see these random old men smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee alone, I know this is quite possibly what my future could look like. Confusion. Fight. Change. Want. Need. Touching. Feeling. Nothing. Not much. Nothing is random. Everything has purpose and meaning.
Life is Filled with Human Waste
A physical love letter from your life; addressed to whom you have now become. A child’s hands are delicate and inquisitive. These curious qualities slowly rot away, as we carelessly enter through life’s threshold. Never again will we experience such definitive wonder, questioning, or certainty. Do you really think it is that important to experience these qualities? At certain times, yes; but these times are not sufficient enough to bring forth the inadequateness of an underlying longing for death. It is important to fulfill your nightmares, so the glares of the daylight will fade away into the obscurity, which is your wasted life. Perhaps a wasted life is not necessarily a waste. What is the defining point of not wasting one’s life? Monetary gains? Owning property? Something material and tangible? None of that external waste means anything within these pages. You should know that by now. I consider a life to be wasted, when one lives their life for another, and not for themselves. Life is filled with human waste such as this. Life is only a waste, if you use your time not following your inner guidance. Most of the others are stuck living in survival mode, never finding a way to follow their inner guidance, as many of these others do not know of its existence.
L.C.G.
The days are now blending into one another, just like you and I once did.
G.G. Kalfas 