Tag: consciousness

Life’s Gift

ggkalfas

Searching for the unsearchable. I have been looking around all of these years for you, and I am still unable to find you. Why are you deliberately hiding yourself from me? I will find you very soon, probably sooner than what you are expecting. But do not expect too much from me, I will only give you what I feel you deserve to have: pain. I will present this great gift before you, once I find out exactly where it is you are hiding. Don’t worry, you will never hear or see me coming. I will sneak into your life just as you did with mine. I will have your pain placed in a pretty, bow-tied box; quietly and patiently waiting for you upon your doorstep. Pain is the greatest gift anyone could give, as pain is the truest of all healing gifts; allowing one to thoroughly learn about themselves. I have known of this gift my entire life, as it was given to me at such an early age. Now, I will share it with you; every single last bit of it. I will give, and give, and give to you; until there is no more left within me to give. This will be the greatest blessing you will ever know. The gods do not give blessings such as the one I am giving to you. It will solely belong to you, as you will now have ownership of this great gift. Do not worry if you do not know how to use it at first; it will come with instructions:

1) Use daily every 6 hours.

2) Share with friends and loved ones.

3) Repeat for the rest of your life.

4) Do not forget to follow these instructions.

You see, it is easy and user friendly. Do not get emotional and anxious on me now. It might seem tedious and overwhelming at first, but you will get the hang of it; I promise. Why am I being so generous by giving you this amazing, life changing gift? Well, it is because I care very deeply for you, and would like for you to one day see yourself as I see you. It is one of life’s amazingly demented jokes on us humans; seeing ourselves differently as to how the others see us. We often see ourselves within a much darker light, than what others use to see us with, or vice versa. This is a common mistake we will sometimes make, as we explore through our lives; correcting the mistakes of our past. This is what most of our life transitions into: a correction in process. There is no need to be so hard on yourself; this is the whole reason as to why, I am giving you this wonderful gift. Over time, you will thoroughly learn how to use this gift properly, in the right way, with every single person you will ever come into contact with. It is important to keep this gift in mind, as you definitely do not want to share it with just anyone. Besides, it is special, and specialness is only for the select few. You really do not want to end up like one of those weak-minded bastards, who share their gift with random strangers at the laundromat or the grocery store. This type of behavior is socially unacceptable, and frankly I find it to be rather obnoxious. Keep your secrets and your gift safe, and when the time is right, the person whom you are supposed to share your gift with will reveal themselves to you; just as you revealed yourself to me.

A Glimpse into the Void

ggkalfas

Suffocation. A deliberate form of affection. Salvation. Never to be found within your arms. There is nothing tranquil about your glance. A glimpse into the void. A permanent cause to evacuate. Nowhere to go. Escaping myself is an old habit of mine. I cannot keep you happy. I do not have it within me to do so. It is not in my way of living. I am not here to please you or anyone else. Fuck you and everyone else. Some people are just meat sacks with a pulse. Some people deserve to die. Slowly. Perfectly. I have not decided what to do with you yet. I just might add you to the collection in my closet. I just might add you to the collection underneath my house. Slowly with purpose. Perfect in every possible way.

I am the Harbinger of Necrotic Tendencies

ggkalfas

Certain words bring forth certain ideologies. Poisonous mixtures of cantankerous misanthropes. The needle and the thread. Sew back together the lost lives of the frolicking dead. A lost part of life. Retrieving a lost substance. An abusive relationship. Maintained through obsession. Depression is the recollection of masturbation. I am the harbinger of necrotic tendencies. The death within every breath you breathe. It is life I incinerate as the soul becomes disbursed. This is when she looks at me in her peculiar way. Behind her eyes. She thinks of me between her thighs. There are no lies. Within her cries. Only the blissful decadence of what lies within. Her hands and thoughts. Violently caressing me from within. The inner longings of her passion. Silently screaming to be heard. Wings of a feather. Words once remembered. Flying high within the night sky. Along with the raven’s word. Lingering on her warm breath to be heard. Amongst the cries hidden within the forest’s rotting trees. This is where we have hidden ourselves away from the world. Amongst the rot, the darkness, and the growth within the dying. This is our home. Within the rot and the darkness. This is where you and I belong.

Masochism at its Finest

ggkalfas

Menstrual holocaust. Frozen entity. Wanting to be near me. Closed off. Shut down. Cherry picking wants and needs. Blowing me wilted kisses. Crushing the deadliest love straight through me. Squeezing the intellect out of my cock with your hugs. Dead thoughts. Without warning. Taking over the thought mechanisms. Tune down. Dropped life. Disappointment sets in. The same story repeated. A different book. Written in another language. I always read the same story for some reason. An unlearned lesson. It seems to be the only story I know how to read. The only story I know how to live. It is always the same. Contagious. Self-depreciating. Masochism at its finest. Soul bondage. A noose for good luck. It fits perfectly. Just like the rest of the nooses I have collected over the years. Masochism for sport. A daytime religious delusion spurting itself out. Lost within a nighttime stigmata of a retracted soul.

Divide and Conquer

ggkalfas

Entombed within the soul. This is how it has been for some reason: my experiences with the others. In the beginning, the connection is heavily over powering. The magnetism and the electricity are terrifying. All who are involved, can feel its intense, penetrating truth; vibrating within every cell of their being. There is a recognition within the eyes, as thoughts, feelings, emotions, pheromones, and other deviant sensations, thoroughly begin their untimely assault upon the senses. No one expected it. For all who are involved, must inevitably succumb to this overbearing avalanche of truth; thoroughly obeying its powerful desires. This is when doubt, hesitation, and disbelief set in, just as the wolf whom quietly watches the sheep from afar. This is to be expected; considering how the humans have such little trust within themselves, especially when it comes to how they think and feel. They have all succumbed to the palatable lies and truths, which they have lived through their entire life; scrummaging and rummaging around within their thoughts, never understanding or knowing the difference from one or the other. I do not think the others want to know the difference; happily living their lives blinded by their own incontinence. Nor can I help but laugh, when I meet such derogatory idealists. These others are usually pedaling someone else’s agendas, or an ideal they heard or read from one of their progressive media outlets. Every media outlet has been bought, and is owned by a corporation, who uses their purchasing power, to further their political agendas. Furthering a political agenda, could be simply equated as: the acquisition of capital. I find it humorous, when corporations, groups, organizations, and governments, try to authentically stake a claim, when caring about people. You and I both know, they do not give a shit about anything else, other than making a profit. All corporations and businesses, are strictly in the business of making a profit. These corporations are not in business for the consumer or their product(s), but for themselves. Corporations claim to care about their consumers, but this is only in accordance to revenue. These derogatory idealists, know absolutely nothing about life, nor do they truly understand what living life means. These others sell their souls to the highest paycheck. Where does the authenticity within this action exist? I am sadly amused by their lack of understanding, when it comes to living life. I do not enjoy politics, nor do I understand why there are two major political parties within this country. Why does this country have to be footed on the grounds of us versus them? This country has always been engaged in war, be it with other countries, terrorists (foreign and domestic), drugs, diseases, plagues, or itself. When will the citizens of this country realize, no one has their best interest in mind? Two political parties exist, for the purpose of keep the country divided. Divide and conquer. This is the motto. When do you think the citizens of this country, will take back what is rightfully theirs, from the 1% who are trying to kill them off? Your right; very few of them can actually see what is really going on. The ones who can see it, will wait for someone else to do it for them.

A Passionate Embrace Within the Nothingness

ggkalfas

Nestled deeply underneath the crusted layers. Tightly woven in between the soft tissue. Covering the organism’s exoskeleton. Devouring itself from the inside out. Thoroughly maintaining equilibrium. Maintaining true authenticity. It keeps me safe at night. Warm. Protected. Secure. Hiding away from the world. Keeping my authenticity safely hidden. My secret endeavor. My secret life’s work. I am invisible. No one can find me. No one will ever be able to find me. Hiding in plain sight. I need to hide myself more often. I desperately need to protect myself away from those thoughts. All I want is to be left alone and loved at the same time. I want to hide myself away and be seen all at the same time. I am fucked up in this curious way. I will tightly bind and nestle myself into my own womb. My secret chrysalis. I will transform into what I was meant to be. Strong. The urge to KILL burdens my shoulders. If I was given the opportunity to get away with it. There would be no hesitation. NONE. This is why I hide myself away. I know I would thoroughly enjoy it. I would cum all over myself. This is why I hide myself away from the world. I enjoy the smell of necrosis. How many people do you know who could admit that? I hide myself in the deepest and darkest corners of my room. I want to shrink myself, so I can hide more efficiently. Delicately. Compartmentalized efficiency. Necrotic compartmentalized efficiency disorder. I want to be invisible to myself. I will never have to see myself ever again. Each time I look into the mirror I look different. Slightly unrecognizable. I am afraid one day a stranger will appear in front of me. I will be the stranger I see in the mirror. A pleasant surprise. A chance to meet new people. A chance to meet myself. Another part of me. The real me. A hidden part of me. Or simply another delusion contained within me. Is there a difference? I am the difference. The difference between the surface and the subterranean. All of the internal personalities I have become acquainted with during the time I have spent here. Friends for life. Best friends forever. Long lost friends. A passionate embrace within the nothingness. A varied necrotic compartmentalized deficiency disorder. I will keep me safe and protected from myself, and from this necrotic world I currently inhabit. The defiled world I seem to thrive in. I am my only hope. I hope I can count on myself. I better make myself count. This is the only hope I have for any type of mental peace. Who am I kidding? You?