How much longer do you think you and I have left? I am not sure either. This is why you and I must treat tomorrow as if it were today; as if it were now- as if it was occurring at this very moment. It is interesting, as you and I do not know what will occur tomorrow, let alone within the next five minutes. Consciousness transitions both time and space, yet consciousness also transcends within itself. Life is a state of consciousness, just as death itself is. There is no escaping tomorrow, as at one time, right now, was once considered tomorrow. Fucked up how that works; isn’t it? But then again, you and I are pretty fucked up.
Build yourself up or down; either way you will be making progress. You cannot measure progress through success or failure, as progress is a subjective manifestation within one’s internal maturity. You know, none of it really matters anymore. So, why not let go of it all, and simply allow life to unfold upon you? You can do that, but you can also keep your sanity in a safe place, by keeping it protected. Who am I kidding? You’re right; there is no safe hiding place, where you could keep anything protected, let alone your precious sanity. It’s another one of life’s tricks; a game life will play with you whenever it gets a chance to have fun with your psychology. I know this entry might not make any sense to you at this current point in time. The next time you are having a complete mental breakdown, simply re-read this entry; then it will make complete sense to you. These times do not come around too often, but when they do, they can be somewhat rigorous and deflating. What you will lack in strength, you will compensate with depression, anxiety, and self-loathing. These three mental states can be the best motivators you may ever come across. At first, they will not seem to be such great motivators. It is only when you fully accept and comprehend yourself in an authentic and demeaning way; you will begin to see yourself in the light you were born into. Everyone is born into a specific light radiance. Some are born into a bright glowing radiance, which will blind those around them. For you and I; we were born into a light, which casts a radiance within the darkness of the purest form. This is only for you and I to witness. The others do not and cannot comprehend the capacity which is needed to be contained within them, in order to understand you and I. This is exactly how you and I need life to be. The undeserving lemmings do not deserve to witness the raw beauty, which is contained within our hearts and thoughts. You and I are the only ones who can recognize and see within one another. Our inner sight can be penetrative and devouring. This is perhaps the sole reasoning as to why you and I intimidate the others to the extent we do. They have never had the capacity to understand either one of us, and now you and I know they never will.
It has now ended. All of this without having a beginning. No understanding. For what it was created for. I could see the despairing look within your eyes. Distant and ever-glaring. Your skeleton kisses. Numb, lacking conviction. There was no feeling or emotion put into any one of them. A routine you know all too well. I was just another. A man from a mother. A man you felt needed to know the power of your rejection. A man who was going to show you a deep internal infection. It was not that powerful. As the stories would allow you to believe. I have dealt with atrocities such as yourself for most of my life. One of my avid pastimes. You can provide the heartbreaking part. I will provide the breaking part. Your inner sights have been blinded; never seeing the created damage of your life. You are in fact the damaged damage. The internal and external defamation of solicited ideologies. You are the stagnation of misinterpreted philosophies. Hollow body. Life’s commodity. Everything and everyone are for sale. Sale of the century. Sale of impiety. The sale of living in betrayal. Liquidating your morals and standards. Pennies on the dollar. Auctioning your standards off to the highest bidder. You are extraordinarily protective of your lost nature. I have never held you responsible for yourself. Many of the sheeple do not know they have the power to be responsible for themselves. I know you were not always this way. I knew you before you started your exploitation expedition. You took a couple of wrong turns. Never caring to get right with yourself. This is why you have harvested the shattered memories within your burnt garden of lies. This is what created your landscape of disillusionment. There is nothing to reach out to within your psyche. There is no communication within sight. Just the shallow end of your cesspool, which may need a little bit more chlorine. Pissing in the pool. You described yourself as deep, honest, and spiritual. It was a lie you could never deny. I have caught you in many of these, many of times. I have dealt with enough lies within my life. I can smell the lies before the mouth putrefies the air with their syllables. I will allow you to maintain the belief of you being strong. You are as strong, as steel is weak. You will never again know my thoughts. I will give you exactly what you have given to me. Nothing.
It is these hollow mornings that will definitely eat you alive. In one solid bite. In one solid swallow. Those softly creeping footsteps you keep hearing coming from behind you, those footsteps are the sound of uncertainty coming to pay you a visit. An old friend who would like to remind you of your life and of your past. As though you do not have enough remnants of your past haunting you on a daily basis, uncertainty wants to make sure you absorb it fully, wholly, and completely. All of it. Every tiny morsel. Family and friends are also laughing at you. They never could understand your thought process, let alone anything which makes you who you are. The voices are grading and intruding upon one’s consciousness; violating the serenity wanting to bloom from within. No one could ever understand me, but I know you do. At least you act as though you do.
If you feel as though you keep hitting a brick wall in life, then there must be some type of reasoning existing behind the wall. Sometimes circumstances exist to protect you, not to hinder your progress moving forward in life. Where does this protection come from? Perhaps a holy guardian angel, also known as an inner daemon? There is no exact threshold in which this knowing can fully be attained. Sometimes there will exist periods within one’s life, which simply needs to be lived through.
It can be a confining feeling; being locked up within your mind your whole/hole life. There is no escape from the prison of one’s mind. A common place I have seemed to find myself in on a daily basis. There is no shelter in here, only the confining torment of the mind’s tricks and pleasures. A carousel of regrets, self-hatred, and lost opportunities. There is no escape from one’s self. To feel special and unique; this is a daydream only dreamers and deceivers fondle themselves in. I myself am a realist, as I can taste the bloodlust behind closed eyes. I can feel the temptations draining and rotting me from within. This is why I crave the isolation chamber; to keep the beast hidden from within, away from the rest of the world. No one has ever mistaken me for one of those weak-minded or weak-willed sycophants, who constantly need to be validated by complete and total strangers. The only thing worse than that, is being a stranger within one’s own mind.
G.G. Kalfas 