A delicate homicidal device. The kind which tortures you from the inside out. The kind which creates realities you never knew could exist within your past, and will never exist within your future. It is a side effect of living life; being delusional while trying to understand the secret meanings within the strange occurrences contained within life. The types of meanings, hidden within secret and sacred symbolism, which the Universe surprises you with at very specific moments within your life. I have experienced these types of moments all throughout my lifetime, as they have been harbingers of occurrences to come. Sometimes, I will see the eagles flying high in the sky over me. There have been times, when I have seen anywhere from, one to five eagles flying together at the same time. When I see the eagles flying high in the sky over me, this is when I experience a deep, lonely sadness within my heart. Seeing the eagles, denotes there will be peace and uplifting horizons before me. All I need to do is maintain my course; getting through what I am currently experiencing, and all will become right again within my life. This has always been the case after I see the eagles flying high in the sky over me. With robins, I associate them with love. The Universe speaks to me through the robins. When I start thinking about, and wanting love in my life, this is when I begin to see the robins. I never see robins on a consistent basis, I only see them when love is about to arrive into my life. It may not necessarily be of the true type of love, a soul type of love, or even a lasting type of love. The love I receive is usually of the passing kind. I know the robins will eventually send the real kind, the permanent kind of love into my life. Or quite possibly, the robins might be fucking with me. I do not think they are, but you never know. It is important to never reject love when it comes into your life, no matter what type or form it may appear in. Love will wear many different disguises, just as she always has. Our egos, this is what will reject love. The judgement within your glance, is the same judgement glancing back at you. This is the reflected image within the mirror, staring back at you. This image is love. Love will always make an appearance in your life, but not necessarily in the form we personally requested for it to be in. As though the human ego knows more about love than the Universe does.
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The Sweet Sad Notes of Your Voice
It is as delicate and solitary, as the night is dark and indulgent. My mind. You have prodded at it enough. Callused membrane. Futility exists, when trying to comprehend its contents. There is no use to indulge yourself within the realms of honesty and purity. There are no thoughts for you to reflect upon, or to bathe within. The sweet sad notes of your voice; lingering and tingling within the shards of broken glass you swallowed. There is no future here for you to dwell within. There only exists the past of consecrated misfortunes and prior devastations, which will only know your broken words and thoughts, for your consideration. The tingling of shattered nerves, seem to scratch and itch within themselves. Ready to ignite the soulmates and the soul’s fates. You were speaking empty words, with a native tongue, within the singularity of tempting the masses. Your people. Sweating and wetting upon your unguarded fleshy mind. A doormat for strangers to walk over. Welcome. Come on in. Make yourself at home. The song within your beaten heart, will never be sung nor heard. The stinging within your words, will forever linger upon your dripping tongue. Another shattered and lathered bedtime story. Waiting for me to tuck you in; tucking you back into your coma. Time flies when you are unconscious, as this is the best way to travel. Dead weight as carry-on luggage. Dead weight for others to carry-on. An inconsideration you will always consider. I can hear your necrotic whispers in my ears. You thought they would sound sexy in my ears. My ears have heard it all.
This Sudden Compulsion
I will sit alone sometimes with the lights turned off; solitarily thinking about my life in the darkness. I will suddenly have a compulsion from within. This sudden compulsion makes me stand upright; wanting to throw myself out into the world. This is when I remember and acknowledge to myself; I have nowhere to go. When I talk to, or approach people is public, a look of dread and fear befalls upon their face; thinking I am death, and I have come to take them away with me. The fear these people display is certainly uncalled for. I am not there to kill them where they stand, as I will more than likely wait until there is no one else around; making sure there are no eye witnesses. Not really. I am actually quite harmless most of the time. But to these people, I do not seem to be. They do not know I am talking to them for some sort of human contact. This contact is not due to loneliness, or attention seeking, on the contrary; I do not need people in my life, and I have never experienced loneliness. I approach these people as a form of practice. By doing so, I do not get rusty when I do need to talk to someone when it is necessary. When I am standing there with the lights off, and this compulsion is running hurriedly through me; I think about going out and rummaging through this disgusting dying world. Once I run through all of my previous experiences of going out into the world; I usually arrive at the same conclusion I have always arrived at: it is all a waste of my precious time. Once I remember my previous outings into society, this is when I sit back down. I will sit there quietly; closing my eyes, thinking and fantasizing about a world which does not reject me, in the way I have come to reject it.
The Inner Voices are Guiding
Words of fire, give way to a spirit aflame. There is majesty and power, within one’s honed name. A tree will grow, rooted within your soul. Its leaves will sew a desire, longing for control. As you lay numb, pinned to the Earth. You will live numb, in order to see your self-worth. Grow where you are planted, within the soil of your life. Diseases will run rampant, within internal and external strife. Feasting upon the living carnage, which tried to leave you behind. The shallow gallows of wreckage, growing within your mind. The Earth shakes with movement, hollowing itself out. Hades ascends from underneath, thrashing wildly about. There is no fear, in wanting to know what exists below. All you hold dear is waiting to flee, waiting to see what will never grow. There will never be an escape, from yourself or your nature. An endeavor you can escape, but never from your inner creature. The blood will freely sing from within your veins. The hymn will freely sting, from life-long pains. There is not another life to master, you are the only master which exists. Life is simply another disaster, which will continue to persist. Make peace within yourself, and within your world. Be an individual within yourself, never joining the herd. Rise from the burnt offerings, and the ashes from within. Live and walk within the fires of your true name. Giving your new life purpose and meaning to begin. The purifying fires, cleanse the denied. The healing waters, raises the truth from within those who lied. Seeking salvation, within the flowing wings of destiny. Finding warmth and love, within natures hands of plenty. The inner voices are guiding, never hiding. The inner yearnings will free your soul, never binding you with control. The inner longings will allow you to see, never blinding you with what was never meant to be. Your inner nature will show you what you need. Never rejecting the incantations living within your seed.
Grasping for Air
I was never good at any of it, nor could I understand how to do it. Even today, it is the one thing I have struggled with the most. For the life of me, I could never understand how to connect with people. It has been impossible for me to maintain a personal relationship with anyone during my lifetime. I have found it challenging to open myself up, as the return for doing so is unwanted judgement and critiques. What is the motivation to open up to another; when the openness would be met with judgement and criticism? I cannot see how there would be any type of motivation within it. The others, they are greatly disturbed by my dark expressions and modes. The others are disturbed to their core with my expressions; this is how I know I am doing something right. I greatly enjoy disturbing the others with my work; witnessing the repulsion and disgust, swim across their faces, as though they are grasping for air. This is how I know I have hit something deep within their psyche; something they have been hiding from the world and themselves for years. Their judgements and criticisms are always the same; utilizing basic adjectives such as: off, strange, awkward, and my favorite, which I hear the most: weird. The majority of the others in society are base and mundane to begin with, let alone possessing the capacity to comprehend myself or my expressions. I like it better this way, it allows me the ability to quietly exploit their feeble insecurities; one insecurity at a time, through my expressions and modes.
Life in 2022
Technology has allowed the weak to act and appear strong. Flaccid spine upright. Penny-pinching talons. Ignorant verbal combativeness. Non-thinking regurgitative words propelled by a hexagram. There is a reason you will never be discovered. You. Your infected soul defecates on those surrounding it. No use to no one. My words are nothing compared to the stench between your ears. Projecting the inner fears of your life onto others. A disgusting habit you picked up in the flesh trade. This trade allowed you to become what you now are. You traded your soul for penny pinching talons. A trade you indulged and excelled in. Your life is now a trade of something for nothing. Something is what you are. Nothing is what exists within you.
G.G. Kalfas 