The mind can sometimes be the quicksand of the soul; pulling one down into more endless realms of thought, which desire nothing more than to suffocate you and your soul in their entirety.
Author: ggkalfas
G.G. Kalfas is an American born author and publisher. He is also the noted author of many books, which encompass his experiences within life and death, as these experiences are displayed through the subject matter of his short stories. His intention for writing these books, is to display the importance of philosophy and psychology, as they play an integral part of the development contained within the experience of the human condition. Within his development, G.G. was compelled towards music, poetry, art, philosophy, and psychology. He was also the lead guitarist in a Houston based metal band, as well as the owner of an underground art gallery. He now spends his time writing about the darkness within the human expression, while exploring the hidden knowledge contained within the depths of life, death, and what may or may not exist beyond human consciousness.
A Self-indulging Type of Gratification
There was a time when I could see life clearly, it was so long ago, I can hardly remember it. Within my thoughts and memories; I try connecting the pieces I can remember, to the pieces I think I remember. For some odd reasoning, which I cannot thoroughly understand; it is more important to me now today, than it was when these memories and thoughts were occurring within my past, when it was in the present time. I am not entirely sure as to why this is, as these past experiences have been conjuring themselves up from within my mind without my permission. These past experiences have been occurring within my mind more intensely over the past two years, than they have ever been previously. My mind feels as though it is trying to heal itself from the life, which I have made it experience. It is an infected way of life, a life without a remedy, cure, or a vaccine from future explorations. What does my mind know, which I am failing to see for myself within my own life? This is information it knows, but refuses to entirely reveal to me. I have lived a diseased life many times over; self-inflicting infection upon myself, as though I would have eventually built up a tolerance to this pandemic the others refer to as life. Life is a form of treatment, as it is also a prescription for death; the only true remedy for this disease called life. I have acquired a strong tolerance against the diseases within life, which I have thoroughly exposed myself to. After a life-long journey acquiring this tolerance, I can now see the diseases within this life were of my creation; nothing and no one else’s. Perhaps this tolerance attainment, was a self-indulging type of gratification, which I could not get enough of. Perhaps it was simply an endurance factor; exploring the depths of what I could withstand before I would actually drown, while still maintaining the ability to resuscitate myself back to a life I was somewhat familiar with. This self-indulging type of gratification, has left me lean, tired, malnourished, jaded, but mostly hollow. I have approached the walls of my core, as I can still lick off some of the residue, which has been left behind; emptying myself of the true, singular essence of innocence, I was gifted with in the beginning of this incarnation. I am of the diseased type of self-indulgence; seeking my pleasures through physical and mental gratifications.
The People Pleasers
The weakness within the others, will naturally lack the kinetics needed to manifest any type of creative character trait through volition alone. This is why the others, are so easily mailable to become good little controllable worker bees; falling in line, before the line severs their outstretched necks from their in-line body’s. I watch as these people pleasers fall in line; killing themselves within their actions, seeking acceptance from those who are also seeking acceptance. This impending rejection they so cunningly and desperately shun, is ever present; breathing over their boney shoulder, lurking within every dark corner, and hiding amongst everyone they will ever come into contact with. There will never be a relief from the unchained vanity dwelling within their weakness. These are the crude and idle projections of indolence, which these others have aspired to seek out within their debilitating desires.
A Specific Type of Healing
This is exactly how they will know me; associating that specific type of pain, anger, and hostility towards me when I am in their sights. This is what my presence conjures within the others, when they feel the presence of my body energy field. I am the raw truth, which the others have sought within their ignorantly bred and fed lives. I am the ever present dark reflecting mirror within their begrudging realities. This is why their inner pain, anger, and hostility, become surfaced within my presence. I am the remedy they have sought, as their disease will not allow for a specific type of healing to take place. This is the way of the herd mentality; the circular path the sheeple walk upon. Their blinders hinder their sights; never allowing them to see what else exists beyond their imagination. I am what exists beyond the imagination. I am the truth; the hardest truth to face.
Intangible Clouds
I have been trying to get it back; everything I lost, threw away, gave away, or mishandled. I have been trying to get it back; all of it, every single piece of it. The physical items, the memories, the emotions, that internal excitement I was consumed within, during the discovery of something new. I no longer experience newness, or any type of excitement whatsoever, as this is part of the lifecycle. Those intangible clouds you want to hold on to, as one day you come to the realization they will never exist as a material tangibility. They were once within my hands, no longer a substance which can be held within the palms, but only contained within the thoughts of the mind. These intangibles are all around me; swimming deeply within my heart. It is not; you do not know what you have until it is gone. It is more of; you did not know the uniqueness of who you were, as you were getting rid of it. Once a part of yourself leaves, you will never get it back; it is forever gone. The rigidity in which you ceased caring, is the same rigidity you will constantly feel within your heart, when these incorporeal memories and ideologies, come flooding back from within. Look upon yourself, and understand for what purpose were these things expelled from your life. You made a conscious effort, and took action to release these things from your life. There was a definite reasoning for it at the time, a reasoning which compelled you to take extreme action to release. There is no point in looking back, acting back, seeking back, or trying to remember any of it. They are now gone; allow them to be free, and to live on their own. Transitions come and go, as transitions will continue to slide themselves through you for the rest of your life. Allow the rest of your life to be natural, honest, delicate, and forthcoming. Do not hinder your growth by swimming in the memories of a past life, as this self-defeating action will only lead you to the land of nowhere. Nowhere is the abyss of nonexistence. Nowhere is the land of dead words, as it is also the residence of where the actions of the others live. This is where the heart lives in confinement; chained within the yesterdays, whys, and all of the should haves. Nowhere is where all the blood of every broken word dries up; leaving the mouth scabbed, crusty, and vengeful. Nowhere is when it happened; not enough knowledge to know any better, as better could not have existed within one’s self. Leave wanting it all back alone; allow life to naturally come back to you. It will eventually all come back, once you are ready for it to do so.
Making Their Way Towards You
When I sit alone, watching the others; this is when I can easily see the insecurities they possess on a daily basis. You can always see the pain within another’s heart, just by the way they hold themselves when they are walking. Sometimes, you can actually see this weight upon their chest, and within their heart, as their body is tilted forward when they walk. This can also be the same for another, who has the weight of their past upon their back; walking hunched over, as though this weight will eventually cause their body to collapse. Both the pain in one’s heart, and the weight of one’s past upon their back, will usually give the same appearance in sight. Upon closer inspection, you will be able to tell the difference between the two. No one person is the same as another; yet the many pains one experiences, has a familiar similarity to another. There are also the others, who walk without bending their knees; utilizing their hip joints to move forward throughout their lives. You can very easily see them from far away, heavily walking; shuffling from side to side, making their way towards you. These are the ones who are trying to dodge something within their lives. What is it exactly are they trying to dodge? The time it takes to ask that question, is how long my curiosity lasts. I do not care much for the others; I never have, and I know I never will. But I like to watch the others at times, it is as though I am observing a wild animal within its natural habitat. This is what the others are to me, what they have always been, and what they inevitably will remain: fucking disgusting animals in the wild. An animal can serve many different purposes: recreational use, bait, amusement, companionship, and also for laborious work. All animals which serve any one of these purposes, must become domesticated. The domestication of any animal requires one very specific ingredient, and that specific ingredient is training. An animal must become trained within the specific purpose they will be used for. Dependent upon the animal in question, and the purpose it will serve; will denote the type of training the animal will eventually receive. This type of training is the same for the human animals as well. No matter what walk of life you are from, or the socioeconomic tree you have branched away from; you have been trained in some form or another, only to serve a purpose you did not know you were serving. When I sit alone, watching the others; this is when I can see the insecurities they possess on a daily basis. Most of these animals are fucking bottom feeders; sinking themselves down, far below and beneath the lowest of the common denominators. These mouth breathers are killing the ecosystem from the inside out, just as they were trained to do, by the hand-held brainwashing machine they do not need, but will never be able to live without. I watch as these useless others, crawl and slither away on their potbellied stomachs. I can see through their disguises, when they wear specific attire. After being around, and witnessing the animals for an extended period of time, I can now see why Francis Galton, developed eugenics. Most humans are fucking animals; unknowingly being trained on a daily basis, without ever realizing it. Now go fucking kill yourself.
G.G. Kalfas 