When I Was Young

When I was young, I always had very high expectations for myself. Now that I am old, those expectations seem to have been either ignored, or forgotten about. To be lost within life, is one of the most exhilarating and scariest moments anyone could ever face. This is especially true when you get to a point in your life, and you do not even recognize your own face. The exhilaration comes from the limitless possibilities which are before you; as the scary moments seep in, as you have absolutely no idea what to do or how to do anything. I have experienced these moments many times throughout my life, yet I can now see that it has indeed not been many moments, but one very long period of time I have been experiencing. There does not seem to be an end to it, as there is no end to trying to understand one’s own self. Life is a fickle steel beam, never bending, and never the same; always reminding you of all of your failures and successes, all at the same time. How does one live their entire life, and not know what to do with it? Maybe one does in fact know what to do with their life, but has never experienced any success in the doing process. This in turn leads to a seeking towards success, and the fact that one has never truly experienced it. There must be a way one can find themselves, even though they have spent their entire lifetime lost within themselves and within this world. Self-seeking and self-sacrificing have never really existed, they are only ideals which seem to preoccupy one’s own self-destructive ways. So, do you see now how even self-destructiveness does not even exist? There is no such thing as success or failure; there is only a small concept of direction. This direction is following your own way, the right way. You will be presented with success and failure in the form of other people’s words and ideals; all of which have absolutely nothing to do with you. Your success or failure does not exist; it never has and it never will. What does exist is your heart, and the choice of following it, or ignoring it. You cannot measure the heart through success or failure, just as you cannot measure it through light or dark. Your heart is your own beat, your own way through this world. Love may never find you, and continually remain a stranger throughout your entire life; but as long as you walk to the beat of your own heart, you will always find the love within yourself. At the end of this journey we insist on calling a lifetime, we will see that the love within our hearts is the only type of love that has ever mattered. Life (the other people within our lives) will always without a doubt, try to break and ridicule us at every opportunity given to them. You must remember though; our life is meant to be lived by and through ourselves, not them. No one has a say so, or any type of authority over our lives: except for ourselves. There may be some sudden ideologies, which may be left out of your surroundings; consequently, your outer material surroundings may not necessarily be your own, or of your own making. As your will and thought process are manifested into the external world, so are unfathomable other thought processes being manipulated throughout your surroundings. It is important to take this knowledge into consideration, thus allowing it to blend into your surroundings at all times. It is important to be able to differentiate your external manifested surroundings from the others externally manifested surroundings. As our cities become even more overcrowded and overpopulated than they already are; all of the different external manifestations will start to blend into one another, as a living, breathing, suffocating cesspool of neurosis and rainbows. In fact, it is actually happening now as you are reading this. When one exorcises themselves from the city and back into nature where they belong, the inner voice will suddenly become audible, as the outer manifestations will grow and blossom into their rightful light. Only when this is achieved, will one know the true meaning of being a human being. We as “humans”, think we know what it means to live, to be alive, to live life to its fullest. When in actuality, we really do not have a clue as to what we are doing here, our what our purpose here on this planet was really for. Our purpose has absolutely nothing to do with money, making a living, working, religion, spirituality, God, or the Devil. If you leave the strangling confines of the city, and seek refuge within the warmth of nature’s womb, they you will know the truth of your life’s purpose, your life’s true meaning, and the reality of why you are here; moreover, it will put everything into perspective as to even why you decided to read this book. Now do you see?